Wherein I opine, and you can comment on how stupid I am . . .

Caveats and regulations:

1. For a show to be on here, it has to have sustained quality for its entire run—not just have had a few good episodes or one good season.

2. This list is accurate and scientific, and if you disagree, you’re just wrong.

3. If you think Heroes is one of the best series, you must not have seen the last two seasons.

4. If you think Smallville is one of the best series, you must only watch every third episode. Because, like Harrison Ford movies, that’s about how often this show is actually good.

5. There are only two reasons that Wonder Woman even came close to making this list. And neither of them was Lyle Waggoner.

6. If you think Bill Bixby’s Incredible Hulk series should be on the list, you must not have watched it since you were, like, nine years old. Because by any modern measure, it’s stupid.

7. If you think Batman Beyond should have been on this list, you’re almost right. It was number 11.

Now, let’s do this:

THE TOP 10 T.V. SUPERHERO SHOWS OF ALL TIME.

10. The Greatest American Hero (1981-83). This show turned the notion of campy superheroics on its ear. It was silly, yes, and campy, yes, but the actual characters took themselves seriously—unlike on the live-action Batman series of the 1960s (see #6). This show, about a regular guy with an extraordinary pair of pajamas, is ripe for a comeback.

9. The Super Friends (1973-1986). Because there’s nothing wrong with superhero shows being made for kids. And this show turned an entire generation of kids into lifelong comic-book fans.

8. Batman the Animated Series (1992-95). Based on the brilliant artwork of Bruce Timm and coproduced by Paul Dini, both of whom have made their bones in actual comic books, this show took Frank Miller’s Dark Knight and made it reasonably accessible for children, without sacrificing serious, noirish stories. Incidentally, this show was on at the same time as another quality animated program, Superman: The Animated Series, and even had a cross-over with that show. A truly iconic show.

7. Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends (1981-83). Yeah, the 1960s Spider-Man animated series had the theme song that’s been covered by everyone from The Ramones to Aerosmith to MC Esoteric, but the show itself? Meh. SP and HAF, on the other hand, was consistently cool—especially for its time. It could be corny, and some of the made-for-T.V. villains were maximum lame (Video Man, anyone?) but the show could also be counted on for guest shots by Captain America, Hulk, Thor, Daredevil, and The X-Men, not to mention all the great Spidey supporting characters and villains like JJJ, Electro, Doc Ock, Mysterio, Kingpin . . . And it’s not just a nice piece of history. For younger viewers, the show is still captivating.

6. Batman (1966-68). The best show never released on DVD is the one that set the pattern for all Superhero TV shows until Tim Burton’s Batman smashed the pattern. Yes, it’s corny and silly and the costumes are ridiculous. But it managed to regularly feature A and B-list actors including Burgess Merideth, Frank Gorshin, Julie Newmar, Jerry Lewis, Sammy Davis, Vincent Price, Jr., Don Ho, Edward G. Robinson, Art Linkletter, Cesar Romero, Eartha Kitt, and even Bruce Lee. It was “The Love Boat” of supershows!

5. The Tick (1994-1996). No, not the live-action one starring David Putty, the hysterically funny and completely demented cartoon, featuring a supporting cast of clowns like Moth Boy, Chairface Chippendale, Dinosaur Neil, Paul the Samurai, Chainsaw Vigilante, and many others. I know the comic was good, but this is the singular historical moment when a T.V. show was better than the comic it was derived from.  And don’t confuse it with the horrible live action Tick from Fox.

4. X-Men: The Animated Series (1992-1998). Five seasons. 76 episodes. Multi-episode arcs telling fairly faithful, if tamer, versions of Days of Future Past, the Apocalypse story, the Dark Phoenix saga, and the Legacy Virus. A willingness to include lesser-known mutants like Longshot, Forge, Snowbird, Banshee, Master Mold, Archangel, Psylocke, Cable, Bishop, Mister Sinister, and others. This is the most faithful translation of comic book heroes ever. Period. It even used the same logo. Plus, it had a kick-ass theme song.

3. Justice League: The Animated Series/Justice League Unlimited (2001-2006). With more superheroes and better writing than The Superfriends, this is the cartoon to beat as far as translations of DC comics are concerned.

2. Teen Titans (2003-2006)–a.k.a. Teen Titans Go! Based on the Marv Wolfman/George Perez 1980s reboot of the team, this show was heavily stylized (borderline anime) and emphasized humor—by which, I mean real humor not cutesy jokes for babies. The vocal work and scripts were flawless and meticulous, with one-and-done episodes seamlessly woven through ongoing storylines (like the betrayal of Terra and the team’s ongoing battles against Trigon and The Hive). This was the T.V. show that got my kids into superheroes, really. We were flipping around and the Master of Games episode came on, our jaws collectively dropped, and we were hooked forever. Since then, every member of my family, regardless of age or gender, who has bothered to watch this with us has become a fan. If it’s possible for a T.V. cartoon to be perfect, then this is what that must look like.

And how about this: Two D.C.s and no Marvel in the top 3?  And I’m a Marvel guy!  Step it up, Ari Arad.

1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997-2003). Smart, funny, provocative, scary, genre-breaking, and musical. I’m not gonna say anything more about it, ‘cause if you don’t know by now, you probably never will.

And the worst:

FAT SHAZAM!

Tags: Comic books, Filthy Muties, Spider-Man, Superheroes, The Caped Crusader, X-Men