Ekko does an excellent job recapping what’s going on in the worlds of DC and Marvel.  Hell, I’ve got a $50/week habit, spend at least an hour in the comic shop every time I go, and he STILL knows more about what’s going on in those universes than I generally do.  However, what about the kick-ass titles published by other houses?  Today, I’m going to highlight a few series that are off the beaten path.

Chew

Writer John Layman and artist Rob Guillory bring us the tale of a world not unlike our own save for one very crucial difference.  Avian flu went terribly wrong in this Image Comics-imagined universe, resulting in the government fully banning all poultry products.  This, of course, leads to all sorts of black market, back alley chicken deals, and the rise of the Food & Drug Administration as one of the top law enforcement agencies in the world.  The series starts out with the introduction of one of the newest members of the force, Tony Chu.  Seems Chu has a gift as a “cibopath,” someone who can “read” something’s past by tasting it.  Sort of like Rogue, without the power transfer and only through the gullet.  Of course, he hates the talent, as it allows him to eat virtually nothing without getting grossed out beyond belief.  His boss hates him, of course, ans assigns Chu on some of the most oddest cases you can imagine.  I won’t even get into
the issue where he gets his head dunked in a toilet.  While this may sound bizarre even for a medium that revolves around people dressing up in tights, Layman and Guillory create a brilliant world.  The artwork is fresh and clean.  While not altogether realistically drawn, it definitely is engaging.  The first story arc already is complete and has been packaged as a trade, so now is a great time to jump into the series.  It’s got enough action to keep even the Capes Crowd occupied, but touches upon larger societal issues, as well, like what happens when Big Brother starts breathing down your neck.

The Boys

I think I’ve mentioned Garth Ennis’ The Boys (Dynamite Entertainment) in just about everything I’ve written for Berkeley Place, but now is as good a time as any to jump into the fray.  Trade volume 5, “Herogasm,” was just released.  This arc originally was a mini-series, but it falls into continuity, so I guess that’s their call.  This storyline focuses more on the “heroes” and less on the titular characters, but that somehow makes this more incredible still.  Remember, the premise of this universe is that the Capes are out of control, egomaniacal freaks who are kept on their respective leashes by an uncaring U.S. government and the corporation that funds them.  Herogasm is an annual event where all the “good guys” get together at an off-the-radar resort and take part in some of the most graphic depravities a body could imagine.  Sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll only just barely scrape the surface.  Trust me, you’ll have to read this one to believe it.  Trade volume 6 is due out May 15 and is another great place for first timers to jump in, as it deals with the origin stories of each of the main characters.  While each bio is a riveting read, the one dealing with the Frenchman could be the funniest damn comic I’ve read in ages.  Using every French stereotype in the book, you simply don’t know what you’re missing until you’ve seen baguette jousting.

Absolution

Avatar Press is arguably one of the more graphic brands out there, and Christos Cage’s Absolution is no exception.  Here, too, superheroes are placed into a far different world than those imagined by DC or Marvel.  In this world, superheroes are government sanctioned police officers.  This six issue mini deals with one such hero taking the law into his own super powered hands.  Not able to stand repeat criminals being allowed back into society only to wreck more havoc, Officer John Dusk decides he must act as judge and jury.  It’s a compelling read, if for no other reason that the character reactions feel “more real” than you’d expect.

Gravel

This Warren Ellis title, also on Avatar, deals with British ‘combat magician’ William Gravel.  Ellis has used the character in other series in the past, but he’s had this one ongoing for a couple of years now, meaning you should be able to find it in most comic shops.  (SPOILER ALERT) The series just finished its second major arc, wherein Gravel has become the lead magician in all of Britain and has started his own “Minor Seven”–magicians of a power level just below his own.  The series combines gritty detective noir with the arcane, and the effect is potent.  If you’re worried that this is a series about dudes with long beards holding gnarled oak staffs and fighting off dragons, don’t be.  This shows magic in today’s world, and how it can be used as an effective weapon to deal with the trials and tribulations one might face in a contemporary setting.  Plus, they say “bollocks” a lot, and that’s always funny.

Crossed

Yet another Avatar title, this Ennis book just wrapped up and is without a doubt the most fucked up comic you will ever read.  I don’t care if you’re into homonecrobestiality, Crossed beats that less than halfway through the second issue.  It’s a bizarre take on the zombie plague motif, except the victims are not undead.  People are infected through contact, though, which results in a literal cross of lesions to appear on one’s face.  These folks don’t want brains, however, they want depravity.  How depraved?  Well, a guy gets beaten to death by a ripped off horse cock at one point, and the final issue contains a priest’s corpse nailed to a cross where he was sodomized to death.  Correct, this is not your father’s comic book here.  Readers follow a small band of people simply trying to survive an outbreak which has seemingly overtaken the world.  Questions of morality abound, while characters try to retain their humanity.  While this is not
one at all for the faint of heart, it is for the reader who wants something different out of their comics.  Through most of the series, it was assumed that the Crossed, as the infected have come to be called, are little more than brainless beasts that are all animal instinct.  Towards the end, however, it came to pass that they do have the capacity to learn, which makes their marauding hordes that much more formidable…and scary.

Kick Ass

If you haven’t seen the red band trailers for this movie yet, do yourself a favor and watch those now.  [See below!]

Once you’ve had a chance to put your blown mind back in, go pick up the first trade, which tells the story of a “normal” guy who one day decides to become a superhero.  Of course, along the way, others take up the cause, including the most messed up father/daughter team since Mackenzie and John Phillips.  I would have thought the movie wouldn’t dare tread with where this comic goes, but the trailers lead me to believe that perhaps they will.  Unlike Batman and other “normals” who put on a cape, Kick Ass focuses on a more realistic take.  For the titular hero’s first outing, he gets his ass beaten so badly he’s in a body cast for months.  By then, of course, he’s grown addicted to the rush, but I don’t want to give away too much more.  Definitely worth picking up before the movie hits.

Four Eyes

Our first foray today into Image Comics, Four Eyes (written by Joe Kelly) tells the story of a young Enrico in a world like our own.   Set during the Great Depression, the one main difference between our two worlds is the fact that dragons exist here, and are the subject of an underground fighting gambling ring.  Of course, Enrico’s father was once a handler of these creatures, before he was killed.  Now Enrico is trying to find out more about his lost father and the gang with which he ran.  These issues have been sporadic at best (three issues since October 2008), but I understand the fourth is on its way shortly.  While it is hard to comment on the storyline with so little to go on, I can say unabashedly that the artwork by Max Fiumara is incredible, with an incredible eye for detail.

Bad Dog

I’ll close with another Joe Kelly title on Image.  Bad Dog is the story of a werewolf with issues (Lou) and the dirtiest man of the cloth this side of the Preacher (Wendell).  The two are bounty hunters, and continue in Kelly’s notion of the anti-hero.  This is not a monster book, regardless of the werewolf tie-in.  For that matter, if it weren’t mentioned in the dialogue, Lou could be any humanoid character with a past that’s catching up with him.  There’s no talk of full moons and silver bullets.  Readers just need to accept that in Kelly’s new world, werewolves exist and need jobs, too.  Surprise, surprise, there are only three issues of this one out over the past few years, too, but what’s been printed has been a great read so far.  Where Ellis and Ennis tend to go profane with their ideas and dialogue, Kelly is not above graphic sight gags.  And to be completely honest, most of them are funny as all get out.  There’s a scene in the second issue that shows the sign language equivalent of a variety of sexual hand positions that’s worth the price of admission on its own.  Throw in the fact that they’re given by a horny middle aged secretary, and you can see the comedy gold to be mined here.

None of the above books are intended for kids, but it seems like very few comics actually are written for that demographic anymore.  That might be a shame for younger readers, but its created riches beyond belief for those of us who are a bit older.

Go check out CD’s website!

1.  WOLVERINE 2. Yes, it’ll be in Japan.  Yes, it’ll star Hugh Jackman.  Yes, it’ll start filming in January.  January!  Why not now?  Claremont/Miller’s classic miniseries (and the best Wolverine story ever told) is practically a storyboard!  Even McG could direct it without screwing it up!

2.  UGH-D. I saw Alice in Disney Digital 3D (not iMax), and left annoyed and with a headache.  It’s barely 3D.  It’s more like 3 layers of 2D.  Then, the next day, new research came out showing that 3D causes eyestrain and may affect proper eye development in young people.  Now I learn that Green Lantern will be in 3D.  Not to mention the next Spider-Man and the Alien prequel.  I hope they still show them in “regular D.”  That’s how I saw Avatar, and it was still an amazing visual film.

3.  WB FAILS TO KILL SUPERBOY. They moved him from Thursday to Friday night, but that didn’t kill him.  Smallville has been renewed for Season 10.  Frankly, the move helped me (it no longer competes with so many other good Thursday night shows).  But it’s got to change if it’s going to keep me for another year.  Let him wear a cape, already, and let’s see lots more guest stars.  We want Nightwing!  Oh, and replace Lex Luthor, too.  The show lacks a solid villain, and Zod is kinda mealy mouthed.  I say they turn it into a Teen Titans show.  How great would that be?  And can anyone really argue that this would hurt D.C.’s chances at making another Superman movie?

4.  MORE UGH-D! And speaking of 3D, I saw a 3D preview of Tron Legacy.  Feh.  It doesn’t look so great.  It looks like an excuse to use that damn 3D.  Our kids may be entertained, but they’ll grow up blind.

5.  FRANKENCASTLE UPDATE. Warning: Spoilers ahead (sort of)!  If you read Punisher #16, you already know that the gem at the center of the drama has restorative powers.  I have been assuming that that will be the device used to restore Frank Castle to his original, scarred but bolt-less self.  But now, with issue #17, they’re changing the title of the book to “Frankencastle.”  I’ve been enjoying the storyline, mostly because it was a great way to bring back The Legion of Monsters, but I’m not sure how much longer I want to see Punisher as a superhuman.  Part of the fun of Remender’s Punisher run has been the way he’s helped Frank adapt to fighting in the world of superhumans—beginning with stealing a stash of supergear including Ant Man’s helmet, Doc Ock’s arms, etc., from the Red Hood.  Frankencastle is, essentially, a gimmick.  I’m not sure it can sustain.  But it will be cool to watch the next arc: Frank gets revenge on Daken for slicing him into little bits during the Dark Reign: The List one shot (one of the best-drawn non-Max Punishers I’ve ever read).  Oh, and if he’s staying in the supernatural world, a team-up with Blade seems highly appropriate.  The art in the new arc will be handled by three guys: Tony Moore, Dan Brereton, and Roland Boschi.  They’re all solid, and best of all none of them are Steve Dillon.  Why do people like him?  He’s the reason I don’t even want to bother with Jason Aaron’s reboot of Punisher Max, no matter how good the story sounds like it could be.  Seriously, any of you know why Steve Dillon gets so much love?  He’s not gritty, his art is flat, and it’s cartoonish!

6.  AVENGERS CARTOON. The Avengers have always been my favorite “group.”  I even bought a bootleg transfer of the old Avengers cartoon on e-bay, knowing it would suck, just because something is better than nothing.  So I’m psyched that Disney XD will finally release the new “The Avengers : Earths Mightiest Heroes” cartoon this fall.  52 episodes featuring Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, The Incredible Hulk, Giant Man and Wasp, preceded by a 20-part “micro-series” telling each of their origins.  This is a huge commitment.  Can’t wait!

7.  THE YEAR OF PATTON.  Do any of you watch the new BSG spin-off/prequel “Caprica”?  Because if you’re not watching it, you’re missing the best new show on T.V.  You’re also missing Patton Oswalt’s best role.  It’s the role he was born to play: A smarmy, cynical, liberal talk-show host.  And now he’s  signed on to write a comic book based on Joss Whedon’s highly underrated movie/TV series “Serenity/Firefly.”  Dunno if it will be any good, but it definitely has a high curiosity factor.

8.  THANK GOD! Deadline Hollywood reports that The Office’s John Krasinski won’t be throwing the shield for Marvel in the Captain America flick.  I had no problem with his age—he’s far younger than the hfolks he’ll be teaming up with in the superflicks (Don Cheadle, Robert Downey, Jr., etc.) because, after all, he was frozen in ice back in his prime, but John K. just doesn’t have the look.  Or the biceps.  I’d rather have seen The Rock in the role than him.  Or a Baldwin brother.  Or Zombie Cap.  Hell, I’d rather have them pick a black actor.  (Actually, that might be kinda cool.)  My first choice is still Jeremy Renner or Sam Worthington.  But John could be Batroc the Leaper.

9.  JACK BAUER. I dunno if “24” counts as comic-type news, but some of you might want to know that the show won’t be back next season.  I say, good riddance—this season is awful.  But they’ve also begun a script for a “24” movie.  Doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose of a serialized, real-time show?  Are Keifer Southerland’s two expressions (“Grrrr!” and “Ouch!”) really worth seeing on the big screen?

10.  SUPERMAN: LAST BATTLE FOR KRYPTONZZZZZZZ. Finally, a question: Why is it Marvel can handle several simultaneous events, like the Death of Cap/Rise of Bucky alongside Civil War or the current Fall of Hulks/Battle for Olympus/end of Dark Reign, but DC can only seem to manage Blackest Night (and that, just barely)?  Superman is the publisher’s flagship character, and yet nobody seems to care that Supes left Earth a year and a half ago, and now seems poised to return.  I know I don’t care.  (But at least the Nolan/Goyer team has confirmed they’ll reboot Superman after Bat3 wraps.)  Batman, too, has left his own books and is getting ready for the big “Bats: Reborn” treatment.  Yet, again, the only DC “event” that’s making any kind of news is Geoff Johns’.  Seems sad.  I was a big fan of the Braniac story that led to World of Krypton, but as soon as that ended it seemed like Superman went off the rails.  They need to invest in that character, make us care again….What do you all think?

I know I’ve already written about this, but now that we’re almost in The Heroic Age, I thought I’d revisit who is appropriate for the main Avengers title.  I mean, who would best represent what the team is supposed to be: The best of Marvel, Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, protectors of our world from cosmic threats like Thanos, The Collector, Baron Nefaria and the Masters of Evil (and Egghead)?  More importantly, who do I want to see Brian Michael Bendis write about?  That’s the key part of this.  After all, having multiple, interlocking Avengers titles just wouldn’t have worked during Dark Reign without a single vision guiding the ship.

I know this isn’t the lineup—that’s already been announced, pretty much–but this is who I’d go for on the main team.  I’d make the team big, like it was back in its heyday, so that we could have multiple simultaneous missions.  Hell, if this was the team, I’d probably read it if it came out weekly!

1.  Captain American and Iron Man. Obviously.  It will be great to read Bendis’ take on how Tony and Steve re-forge a relationship of trust and respect.  But I wouldn’t include Thor.  I like him out on his own, being all Godlike and aloof.

2.  Hawkeye. Bendis has handled the return of Marvel’s archer with superlative skill.  Clint is a fan favorite, even if he doesn’t have powers, and he’s always been a major part of the team.

3.  Yellow-Jacket/Giant-Man or -Woman/Wasp/Ant Man. Or some variation thereof.  They need a size-changer.

4.  Vision. Even if he’s a robot, he was always part of the soul of the team.  Part of that was due to his marriage to Scarlet Witch, and that obviously can’t happen again, but I’d love to see how Bendis could engineer a comeback here.  Maybe the Young Avengers’ version?

5.  Ms. Marvel. Her solo series sucked.  Someone’s got to maintain her rep.

6.  Storm. She needs to get back in the mainstream, and this is a good way to do it.  Black Panther could come in once in a while, too, but I don’t see him as a regular.  Or if she’s unavailable, how about Psylocke?

7.  Hercules. First of all, we all know he isn’t really dead.  Second of all, he would provide some much-needed levity to the proceedings.  Third, this is the heroic age, and who likes being a hero more than Hercules?  I’d say that The Beast could add jokes, but Hank hasn’t been jovial in a long, long time.  If they don’t go with Herc, how about Valkyrie?  They need some Godness on the group.

8.  Quicksilver. I’ve lost track of the character and I’m not sure what he’s up to nowadays, but I always like it when he was on the team.  ‘Cause he’s such a jerk.  He provides the Guy Gardner ingredient.

9.  Amadeus Cho. He could be their Martian Manhunter (or “Chloe” on Smallville)—the genius behind the scenes who keeps it all together.

10.  She-Hulk. Nuff said.

11.  Puck and Shaman (from Alpha Flight).

Note the omissions: Wonder Man (enough already with this reluctant hero); Dr. Strange (borrrring); Sentry (more borrring!).

SIDE TEAMS!

Side teams could include:

1.   Luke Cage, Spider-Woman, and Wolverine. I really enjoyed them on New Avengers, but Wolverine is over-exposed and they never really made good use of him on the team—he never really got a chance to shine.  And Cage and Spider-Woman already got too many chances to shine—he’s not really a “cosmic challenge” type of guy, and she’s certainly not one of Marvel’s “mightiest heroes.”  And both of these qualifiers apply to Spidey, too, who is terrific in Bendis’ hands, but it’s time to let the boy go.

2. And how about Dazzler for some Bendis rebooting?  I always liked her.

3.  Power Pack/Young Avengers. This seems like a potential crew on its own—a young team that needs a solid mentor.  (Maybe this is what “Avengers Academy” will be about?)  Luke and Jessica Jones, perhaps?  Or maybe Bucky Cap and Black Widow?  Anyone but Nick Fury.

4. Speaking of Nick Fury, I could see him in charge of a SHIELD Avengers team—some kind of strike force for special, Earth-based missions, with a group of stealthy and/or hard-to-control fringe types like Ghost Rider, Deadpool, Nightcrawler, Mystique, Elektra, White Tiger, Taskmaster or Bullseye (don’t know where they’ll end up after Siege), the now-reformed Silver Samurai, and Iron Fist.  With Wolverine as a hanger on.  Fur will fly.

5.  War Machine! (That’s a gimme and a given, I think.)

What do you all think?

DO UPLOADS

In our last episode we left you at M.  Picking up where we left off . . .

M is for Josh Milland’s take on O Superman (Laurie Anderson cover).  Laurie was one of those weird thoughtful chicks that girls with hairly legs liked.  And Peter Gabriel liked her.  For a while at least.

M is also for mash up: To the Taxmobile!-Beatles vs. Batman.

N is for No One Likes Superman Any More-I Fight Dragons. I just love the name of this band. And the name of this song.

N is also for New World Symphony’s Theme from Wonder Woman. Maybe the greatest campy theme song of all time.

O is for one hit wonder (sort of).  Superman’s Song-The Crash Test Dummies. This song was released independently in Canada before a major label picked the band up. It was a minor hit. Then they released that hugely popular “mmm mmm” song, and went to shit. The rest of their catalog is Godawful. I hear they’ve got a new record coming out soon, but I haven’t heard the music.

P is for Paramore’s cover of “My Hero” by The Foo Fighters.

P is also for Pocket Full Of Kryptonite-Spin Doctors (live-direct link)

Q is for nothing. Sorry. I got zero here.

R is for Red Krayola’s Portrait of Wile E. Coyote. This is just weird. Not superhero, cartoon. But ok.  And really, with all his devices from Acme, he’s kinda like the Looney Tunes version of Batman.

S is for Da Superfriendz-MF DOOM. The Masked rapper draws his name from Victor Von Doom, so you can always count on him. His “Hey!” song samples Scooby Doo, he’s got tons of cartoon soundbytes and drops . . . And then there’s this typically esoteric, conceptual song about a battle that has little to do with the Superfriends, other than it’s name and the last two words of the songs. Instead, there’s references to JLA, Doomsday, Inspector Gadget, G.I. Joe, The Little Rascals . . . Lots of folks. A terrific rap, featuring Vast Aire.

S is also for Sub Mariner. One of a few classic themes I’m tossing in here: Namor, The Submariner.

T is for Time Loves a Hero-Little Feat (live version).

T is also for Libby Johnston’s “Twenty Superheroes.” Her new album, Perfect View, is a nice collection of female singer-songwriter folk, on Wrong Records. For more information, go to her site.

U is for the umlaut I can’t type in Husker Du’s bandname. They, like a bunch of people, covered Donovan’s “Sunshine Superman.” In the zipfile, you’ll find the Husker Du version along with Bob Walkenhorst, The Films, and Charlie Hunter’s jazz jam version.

V is for versus: Jukebox Hero versus the 1980s, by DJ John. One of my favorite extended mashups. Is a jukebox hero a superhero? I guess not. But it’s fun anyway.

W is for probably my favorite true Super Hero rap ever. I’ve posted it here before. Who’s a Hero?-MF DOOM and Trunks. I have no idea where you can find the EP it’s off of, “Unicron,” but if you can, I highly recommend it. Haven’t heard of this Trunks chap before or since, but dude spits fiya.

W is also for Will Power’s “Spider Man” song. From that great old TV show, The Electric Company.

X is for the X in Coxon. A Time for Heroes (Libertines cover)-Graham Coxon.

Y and Z are for Your Zip file! Hoo-rah!

1.  FLASH NEWS FLASH! Rumor is that before it even hits the screen, the Green Lantern movie is so good that one of its writers, Great Berlanti, has been tapped to make a Flash flick.  And the movie is on the (ahem) fast track.  It’s about time D.C. stepped up.  Of course, it may be too late.  If Kick-Ass is a hit, we may be seeing an end to unrealistic cape capers, and a movement towards neorealism.  (Which would be a boon for a Daredevil reboot!)

2.  LET’S RAP ABOUT CAP. Another rumor says that the Captain America has been put on hold.  I hope they’re firing the director.  The Wolfman sucked, and dude has not been doing the hero justice in his public discussions about Steve Rogers.

3.  GHOSTBUSTERS 3!(?). There have been dozens of rumors about a third “Ghostbusters,” especially around the time the video game came out last year, so it’s hard at this point to give credence to any of them.  But this time it was Bill Murray himself spreading the news that he’d come back for a threequel as the ghost of his character, Peter Venkman.  Who knows if it’s true at this point.  All I know is, Murray was fantastic in Zombieland.

4.  METRIC VS. SCOTT PILGRIM. Finally, a way to combine my two favorite things: Music and comics!  The soundtrack to the upcoming comic-turned-Michael-Cera-film ,Scott Pilgrim, features a band you’ve never heard of, “The Clash At Demonhead,” whose music is actually played by a band you have heard of, on this site, many times . . . Metric!  The band posted a song, “Black Sheep,” on their Facebook page.

5.  MOUSE GUARD. And in a paragraph for my wee ones, the exceedingly high quality kids graphic novel series, David Petersen’s “Mouse Guard,” promises to grow by two titles this year.  First, “Legends of the Guard” will be a gonzo book by Petersen’s friends and associates consisting of one-and-dones.  Second, “The Black Axe” will take place before the first Mouse Guard book and will feature the origins of Celanawe.  One of the Legends tales will be featured on Free Comic Book Day.  Now, when will the movie be developed?

6.  WANTED 2! Apparently, the movie is a go, sans Jolie.  She was hardly the best part about the first one, anyway, which I thought was a really solid action flick.

7.  MORE WOLVERINE! I guess Logan got jealous of all the Deadpool books out there, ‘cause they’ve announced yet another Wolverine monthly.  In addition to Weapon X, Wolverine, X-Men, whatever Avengers book he’s in, and Dark Wolverine.  Oh, and X-Force sometimes, too.  And guest shots.  What makes this one special?  Neal Adams!  I wouldn’t really associate his clear, muscular style with the gritty and dirty Wolverine character, but I’ll take a look at anything Neal does.  He’s a comic God, and he’s been out of the Marvel biz for about three decades now.

8.  PREDATORS. This summer will see the release of “Predators,” and all of my readers who will be at SXSW have a chance to see a preview screening.  It’s produced by Robert Rodriguez, which is a good thing if it’s produced by the dude who did El Mariachi and Desperado, but bad if it’s the dude who made that crapfest with Tarantino a few years back . . . And it stars Laurence Fishburne, which, again, points only to ambiguous potential.

9.  BATMAN AND ROBIN. And not last but least, a brief review of Grant Morrison’s B&R so far: I like the ideas.  The story is cool.  The villains are terrific throwbacks to vintage Bob Kane.  The art is undependable, but when it’s by Cameron Stewart, it’s great.  So why don’t I love this series?  Because, as usual, Morrison expects me to be able to read his mind (and/or know every little bit of Bat-lore) in order to understand the story.  Grant, all the elements of a story are well and good, but they’re just elements.  Story matters.

10.  I’M A BLACK LANTERN . . . WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO BE A LANTERN, TOO?  Done reading?  Go HERE TO find out which Lantern you are!

Finally, Ekko! That’s what you’re saying, right? It’s about time you combined the two things you dig most in life! Here goes a superpost . . . I limited the inclusion of “themes” because, frankly, that’s just too damn easy.

And this post is just too damn big to be contained in one single day . . . So this is just part one.  You’ll find some of the songs here, but you’ll have to wait for part 2 for the zipfile.

A is for Adam Selzer’s nerd ballad, “Stop Talking About Comic Books or I’ll Kill You.”

A is also for Art Brut-D.C. Comics and Chocolate Milk Shakes. “Some things will always be great! Even though I’m 28!” I’ve never been a big AB fan, or a big DC fan for that matter, but this song is hilarious.

B is for Backyard Tire Fire and Batcapes . . . Walking Up Wearing a Batcape.

C is for comic books.  “Basement bw Comics” by MC Esoteric is pretty much my life story.  See also E.

C is also for Casper the Friendly Ghost-Mike Doughty. Not a super-hero per se, but I couldn’t resist including it.  And what’s the deal with this picture of Casper, anyway.  Just what kind of pictures are they taking?

D is for Tenacious!  Spider-Man-Tenacious D (direct link).

D is also for Superman-Drive-By Truckers (direct link) You know, researching this post taught me that there are a boatload of songs about Superman that have nothing to do with Superman.  This is one of them.  I only posted it because it’s the Drive-By Truckers, and Patterson is like a God . . .

E is for Esoteric.  MC Esoteric is a lot like MF DOOM in that he uses sueprhero themes with frequency.  He’s also a deft producer and skilled rapper.  It was hard to pick just one song of his to throw up here, so I picked two.  The first is under “C” and the other one is “Selling Spidey.”  Fantastic stuff.

F is for the Foo Fighters-My Hero.  See, I’d do Flaming Lips’ own version of Waiting for Superman here (covered under “I”) but I don’t have a bootleg of it and, sadly and surprisingly, the band is part of the RIAA mafia.

G is for David Gillis’ acoustic guitar take on the Spidey theme.  Love this song.

G is also for Superman-Grateful Dead (direct link)

G is for a third thing, too!  Super Hero Brother-G Love and Special Sauce.

H is for the hip hop superhero gang-bang of Super Heroes-Planet Asia. A great name-dropping rap.

H is also for Heroes (David Bowie cover)-The Magnetic Fields.  No, not superheroes.  But I couldn’t resist posting some MFs.  Other than MF DOOM, of course.  Or not:

H is for ho!  Space Ho’s-Danger DOOM. I could probably fill this page with MF Doom songs . . . I love this song, and the whole “DangerDOOM” album.

I is for Iron and Wine!  (Betcha thought I’d post Iron Man, didn’t you?)  Waiting for Superman-Iron and Wine. A Flaming Lips cover.  Not happy with that.  OK, fine . . .

I is for Iron Man.  Turns out I did post it.  But this is the Four Tet song.  Cool electronic instrumental.

I is for, alright, already!  The classic Iron Man theme song! 

J is for Jimmy Swift Band’s romantic-then-jazzy take on the Spider-Man theme.  A seven-minute exploration(!)

J is also for Spiderman-Jill Sobule. A song about those dudes on Hollywood and Vine who dress up like heroes. There’s a great documentary about these folks called “Confessions of a Super Hero.” Highly recommend it.

K is for Kiss the Girl-Undercover Superman.

K is also for Karl Denson’s Tiny Universe, a band that posed the question: Hulk or Thing?  (Clearly it was Hulk.  Any comic nerd who read that great Fantastic Four two-part story knows that.)

L is for Lost in the Sauce by Foul Mouth Jerk, featuring Breeze Evahflowin.  “Streetlight Music” is a fantastic record.  This is the only song about Batman on it.

L is also for Los Lobos-Superman (live version).

M is for . . . More in part two!  But here’s today’s ZIP FILE!  (If any of the above-listed songs are missing, it might be because I accidentally put them in the part two file.  Catch that post, unzip it, and see if it’s there before you complain.  Not that complaining will get you much of anything.)

1.  CONFESSION TIME. I will not be as good a comic-book blogger anymore.  Economics require that I stop buying as many single-issue books.  Therefore, I’ll be focusing on the “trades,” paperback collections of single issues that tend to come out 3-5 months after the last issue contained in the collection.  That means I won’t be reading “Siege” until about August.  I’ll still be up on the buzz and all, but I won’t be as current with the details.  But I’m not sure that you, my readers, really care anyway.  I used to get lots of comments on comic posts, but not so much anymore.  This is more about my own love now, not yours, I guess.

2.  DEADPOOL IS GREAT THIS MONTH!  (ALL THREE OF THEM!) This May, Marvel’s Heroic Age begins–the antidote for the “Cynical Age” which began (formally) with Civil War.  Exploring the difference between a hero and a cynic is Deadpool, who hung up his mercenary status (but only in his main book—“Deadpool Team Up” and “Merc with a Mouth” seem to exist in their own continuity) and tried to join the X-Men (DP #15-18).  Needless to say, it didn’t take.  So now, he’s harassing Spider-Man, trying to learn how to be a solo hero.  Deadpool #19 was laugh-out-loud funny, and although many will complain about Hitmonkey, I thought he was perfect villain for this madcap, unpredictable series.  Daniel Way is terrific—I can’t figure out why I dislike his “Wolverine” work so much—at weaving in Deadpool’s schizophrenic internal dialog and Pool-O-Vision.  Art-wise, we got Carlo Barberi, who was also behind the Deadpool: Suicide Kings
miniseries.  Very solid stuff.

3.  UNBREAKABLE 2???? Bruce Willis let it slip recently at MTV that there might be an Unbreakable 2.  I think he was fishing for work—U2 won’t ever happen.  Don’t get me wrong, the first film is one of my all-time favorite flicks.  But it’s a little late for the sequel, and M. Knight hasn’t made a really good film in quite a while.  Or at least a really good dark film—Airbender looks like it may be good.  I remember reading an interview with M. a long time ago where he said that Unbreakable was actually a trilogy.  If so, I think he’d be better off releasing it as a comic book.  Willis is long in the tooth for the role, unless the sequel takes place many years later . . . Aw, who am I kidding.  I’d sleep outdoors to see the sequel to Unbreakable!

4.  SUPERMOVIE. David S. “Batman Begins” Goyer has, supposedly, written a script for the next Superman movie, “The Man of Steel,” modeled after John Byrne’s classic 1980s take on the character.  Words can’t express how disappointed I was with “Superman Returns.”  I mean, there’s been great Superman films (the first two Richard Donner ones), terrible ones (Richard Pryor??) but never before had there been a boring one.  DC should forget that film ever existed.  Goyer’s script is not an origin story, which is a good thing.  We’ve had too many of those on the screen, and book-wise we just got one last year from Geoff Johns and we’re getting another one next year from JMS.  Enough!  Let’s see Superman be super, already!  The rumor is this one will have both Braniac and Luthor, and Christopher Nolan may also be involved if he finishes with Batman 3 first.  But then again, this could all just be rumor.

5.  RINGS. What isn’t a rumor is that DC is going to be adding White Lantern rings to the rainbow of Green Lantern promo plastic.  I’ve got all seven so far, hanging on the staff of my wife’s statue of the Mayor from Nightmare Before Christmas.  Woo-hoo!
6.  CAPTAIN AMERINERD!  I’ve said before that I’m not impressed by director Joe Johnston’s public statements about the greatest superhero of all time, Captain America.  I’m very nervous about the film.  And now I’m reading that John “The Office” Krasinski is in the running as Steve Rogers?  Please, God, no.  Captain America is supposed to be huge.  I could break Krasinski in two with one hand tied behind my back.  He’s also supposed to be inspiring, not a squishy, loveable goofball.  John K might make a good Fabian Stankowicz, though.  (Anybody catch his clash with Deadpool this month?  Hilarious!)

7.  THE LOSING TEAM. There’s a whole bunch of trailers for The Losers floating around now.  Am I the only one who thinks it looks less interesting than The A-Team?  I might be . . .

8.  SPIDEY (AGAIN). I talk a lot about Amazing Spider-Man here because none of you ever comment on it, which makes me think you’re not reading it, and you should be.  And a good place to start is with this week’s #622, a one-and-done interlude in the “Gauntlet” series, which is bringing back and rebooting all of Spidey’s classic foes.  This issue is about Morbius The Living Vampire, who is an old but not exactly “classic.”  The art chores are picked up by Joe Quinones (there are rotating creative staffs on the Spidey book) and the writing is by Fred Van Lente, who is fast becoming one of my favorite new writers.  (He worked with Greg Pak on Incredible Hercules, picked up the Marvel Zombies series and made it go from just good to great, and has done some really solid kid-oriented comics in the Marvel Adventures line.)  It’s far from the best issue of AmSpM, but it’s a nice introduction into how they’re handling Marvel’s best
character these days.

9.  BLACKEST NIGHT #7. The penultimate issue arrived this week.  This is a series that started out waaaaaay too slow.  I know it’s an epic, but give us some meat with our exposition, please!  Then it picked up speed (almost too quickly) more than halfway in.    Now, just about every dead DC character worth raising (and many who aren’t) is back, has a ring, and is looking for . . . What exactly?  Like most DC epics, I have a hard time understanding why I’m supposed to care about all this, and what the villain really wants.  Marvel does this so much better.  Call it simplistic if you want, but the stakes in everything from Secret Wars (the first of these kind of gang bang sagas) to Siege have always been clear.  Now, we see that Black Lantern Luthor is kind of an idiot—I guess the ring makes you lose IQ points along with any shred of morality, decency, or good hygiene); are told that the real goal of the “evil” lanterns is not evil but death, which is apparently the status quo for the universe (life is unnatural and fleeting, death is a constant); and the meaning of life is nothing more than a collection of our most extreme and identifiable emotions: Rage, Fear, Love, etc.  At first I thought this was deep, but now I see it as just facile.  It’s not that Blackest Night is bad, it’s definitely one of the best DC stories in many years, it’s just that it doesn’t look like it’s really going to change much of anything.  Except that, at the end, Guy Gardner will get his own book, alongside my favorite Green Lantern–Kilowog.  I even have a mini-mate of the snout-nosed powerhouse.  So at least that’s something.

It’s been a while, due to snow and slush and sludge and general hell here on the East Coast, but the News is back . . .

1. DVDs COMING SOON . . . DC and Marvel have been outdoing themselves, and sometimes each other, quite a bit lately. Marvel’s DVD movie line has been of exceptional quality, with the latest solid release being Planet Hulk (co-starring Beta Ray Bill!). DC’s new Justice League DVD “Crisis on Two Earth,” arrives in a few days (can’t wait!), and it will be followed by “Batman: Under the Red Hood.” The script is actually penned by Judd Winick (who authored the 2005 comic book story arc upon which it is based). This was one of the best, and least nonsensical, Batman stories of the past decade, and I think it’s going to be the first DC DVD featuring Nightwing as a main cast member. The next Marvel DVD will be Thor. Not looking forward to that so much—it’s very hard to make Thor good. Only two creators have succeeded, in my book: Walt Simonson and JMS. We’ll see how Matt Fraction does on the book, post-Seige . . .

2. THE BOOK OF AKIRA. All of the reviews I read of The Book of Eli were bad, but I liked the movie. I thought the way it was filmed was interesting, the story was as inventive as post-apocalypse stories can be (sort of a cross between Fahrenheit 451, Road Warrior, and The Road), and who doesn’t like Denzel? Of course, I think most Hughes Brothers projects are good—but I admit that they can be hard to get into. The team is now negotiating an adaptation Atsuhiro Otomo’s “Akira” done as a futuristic Western.

3. SPIDER-MAN IN 3D. The reboot will be in 3D. Ugh. I hate 3D. Stupid glasses. The screen is enough for me, thank you very much. I may actually have to sit this one out. I can’t believe I just wrote that.

4. ANT MAN! Stan Lee discussed (via Twitter) Edgar “Shaun of the Dead” Wright’s work on the Ant Man movie. With him at the helm, it will have to be good, right?

5. NOT ULTIMATE, ASTONISHING! Marvel has announced a new “Astonishing” line, geared towards new readers. Joss Whedon and John Cassaday did this with the X-Men a while back, to great effect (best X-Men run ever, in my view). I’m not a huge Warren Ellis fan, which may be why I haven’t thought much about the Astonishing X-Men post-Joss, but the new books will be two miniseries. The first is Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis by Ellis and artist Kaare Andrews (3 issues). The second, a 6-issue miniseries called, “Astonishing Spider-Man/Wolverine.” The book will be created by Jason Aaron and Adam Kubert. I’m a big fan of Kubert but Aaron, not so much. I don’t get all the hubub over his Wolverine stuff. I find it pretty unimaginative. The Astonishing mini will take place within the regular Marvel Universe continuity but will be self-contained, so new readers can jump right in. Seems like Marvel’s real plan to attract top talent to do a short stories about their favorite characters, which, if true, is a terrific idea.

6. TOO FAT TO FLY. Lastly, I couldn’t resist reporting that director/former Daredevil scribe Kevin Smith was ejected from a Southwest Airlines flight on Saturday because he was too fat to fit in one seat. The airline later apologized. Apologized? I wish they’d do this more often! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat next to someone who pushed me half into the aisle!

Wherein I opine, and you can comment on how stupid I am . . .

Caveats and regulations:

1. For a show to be on here, it has to have sustained quality for its entire run—not just have had a few good episodes or one good season.

2. This list is accurate and scientific, and if you disagree, you’re just wrong.

3. If you think Heroes is one of the best series, you must not have seen the last two seasons.

4. If you think Smallville is one of the best series, you must only watch every third episode. Because, like Harrison Ford movies, that’s about how often this show is actually good.

5. There are only two reasons that Wonder Woman even came close to making this list. And neither of them was Lyle Waggoner.

6. If you think Bill Bixby’s Incredible Hulk series should be on the list, you must not have watched it since you were, like, nine years old. Because by any modern measure, it’s stupid.

7. If you think Batman Beyond should have been on this list, you’re almost right. It was number 11.

Now, let’s do this:

THE TOP 10 T.V. SUPERHERO SHOWS OF ALL TIME.

10. The Greatest American Hero (1981-83). This show turned the notion of campy superheroics on its ear. It was silly, yes, and campy, yes, but the actual characters took themselves seriously—unlike on the live-action Batman series of the 1960s (see #6). This show, about a regular guy with an extraordinary pair of pajamas, is ripe for a comeback.

9. The Super Friends (1973-1986). Because there’s nothing wrong with superhero shows being made for kids. And this show turned an entire generation of kids into lifelong comic-book fans.

8. Batman the Animated Series (1992-95). Based on the brilliant artwork of Bruce Timm and coproduced by Paul Dini, both of whom have made their bones in actual comic books, this show took Frank Miller’s Dark Knight and made it reasonably accessible for children, without sacrificing serious, noirish stories. Incidentally, this show was on at the same time as another quality animated program, Superman: The Animated Series, and even had a cross-over with that show. A truly iconic show.

7. Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends (1981-83). Yeah, the 1960s Spider-Man animated series had the theme song that’s been covered by everyone from The Ramones to Aerosmith to MC Esoteric, but the show itself? Meh. SP and HAF, on the other hand, was consistently cool—especially for its time. It could be corny, and some of the made-for-T.V. villains were maximum lame (Video Man, anyone?) but the show could also be counted on for guest shots by Captain America, Hulk, Thor, Daredevil, and The X-Men, not to mention all the great Spidey supporting characters and villains like JJJ, Electro, Doc Ock, Mysterio, Kingpin . . . And it’s not just a nice piece of history. For younger viewers, the show is still captivating.

6. Batman (1966-68). The best show never released on DVD is the one that set the pattern for all Superhero TV shows until Tim Burton’s Batman smashed the pattern. Yes, it’s corny and silly and the costumes are ridiculous. But it managed to regularly feature A and B-list actors including Burgess Merideth, Frank Gorshin, Julie Newmar, Jerry Lewis, Sammy Davis, Vincent Price, Jr., Don Ho, Edward G. Robinson, Art Linkletter, Cesar Romero, Eartha Kitt, and even Bruce Lee. It was “The Love Boat” of supershows!

5. The Tick (1994-1996). No, not the live-action one starring David Putty, the hysterically funny and completely demented cartoon, featuring a supporting cast of clowns like Moth Boy, Chairface Chippendale, Dinosaur Neil, Paul the Samurai, Chainsaw Vigilante, and many others. I know the comic was good, but this is the singular historical moment when a T.V. show was better than the comic it was derived from.  And don’t confuse it with the horrible live action Tick from Fox.

4. X-Men: The Animated Series (1992-1998). Five seasons. 76 episodes. Multi-episode arcs telling fairly faithful, if tamer, versions of Days of Future Past, the Apocalypse story, the Dark Phoenix saga, and the Legacy Virus. A willingness to include lesser-known mutants like Longshot, Forge, Snowbird, Banshee, Master Mold, Archangel, Psylocke, Cable, Bishop, Mister Sinister, and others. This is the most faithful translation of comic book heroes ever. Period. It even used the same logo. Plus, it had a kick-ass theme song.

3. Justice League: The Animated Series/Justice League Unlimited (2001-2006). With more superheroes and better writing than The Superfriends, this is the cartoon to beat as far as translations of DC comics are concerned.

2. Teen Titans (2003-2006)–a.k.a. Teen Titans Go! Based on the Marv Wolfman/George Perez 1980s reboot of the team, this show was heavily stylized (borderline anime) and emphasized humor—by which, I mean real humor not cutesy jokes for babies. The vocal work and scripts were flawless and meticulous, with one-and-done episodes seamlessly woven through ongoing storylines (like the betrayal of Terra and the team’s ongoing battles against Trigon and The Hive). This was the T.V. show that got my kids into superheroes, really. We were flipping around and the Master of Games episode came on, our jaws collectively dropped, and we were hooked forever. Since then, every member of my family, regardless of age or gender, who has bothered to watch this with us has become a fan. If it’s possible for a T.V. cartoon to be perfect, then this is what that must look like.

And how about this: Two D.C.s and no Marvel in the top 3?  And I’m a Marvel guy!  Step it up, Ari Arad.

1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997-2003). Smart, funny, provocative, scary, genre-breaking, and musical. I’m not gonna say anything more about it, ‘cause if you don’t know by now, you probably never will.

And the worst:

FAT SHAZAM!

1.  MYSTERIOSO. If you’re not reading Amazing Spider-Man these days, you’re missing out on the best Spider-stories since Roger Stern was at the helm.  And over the course of the last half-dozen (or so) issues, Spidey has been running through “The Gauntlet”—the first time he’s facing each of his classic villains since Brand New Day.  The Sandman story was offbeat and fascinating.  The Rhino story was one of the best Spider stories ever—with incredible art by Max Fiumara and a fresh take on the character—and now it’s time for Mysterio, with a script by Dan “Mighty Avengers” Slott and art by up-and-comer Marcos Martin.  There’s a lot of crime stuff, which can be a little cliché, but readers who sit through those first three pages of grisly death scenes will be rewarded at the end: It all means something.  And in the personal life department, Aunt May has once again fallen in with a bad crowd to great effect.  In fact, something happens in the first issue of this arc that actually made one of my sons (we all read this book together) cry out loud, “No!”  That a comic can make a ten year old care so much for an old lady supporting character is a testament to how great the editors are handling this three-times-a-month release.  You really, really, really should be giving this book another chance.
2.  PUT A RING ON IT. I was a big fan of the “Blackest Night” plastic ring promotion.  I had one of each, prominently displayed in my home near the giant talking Santa that we keep around for most of the year, dressing him in various seasonal garbs.  But my kids took the rings and now they’re scattered about.  Sigh.  Anyhoo, D.C. has announced a similar promotion for the post-BN “event,” their 26 issue “Brightest Day” series, that promises to reboot the entire DCU.  They’re offering one Flash and one GL ring.  Nerdcool!
3.  BEEN CAUGHT STEALING? Sci-Fi/Capes website io9 totally ripped my idea of 15 comics that need to be made into movies/tv shows with their feature of 10 Marvel comics we need to see on television.  They even used a similar format, and picked Power Pack as one of their choices!  Should I be flattered?  I can’t disagree with their esoteric selections of the wonderful late ‘80s miniseries “The Bozz Chronicles,” Ann Nocenti’s take on Longshot, But Star Brand?  And Machine Man?  Come on, he’s stupid now and always has been stupid.  And Son of Satan?  Do they honestly think America is going to pick up on a show, made by Disney, with “Satan” in the title?
4.  IRON MAN KILLS LOBO. If you’re one of the folks who just couldn’t wait to see how Guy Ritchie would ruin D.C.’s Lobo character in a feature film . . . You’ll have to keep waiting.  Based on the success of the terribly lamed Sherlock Holmes flick, the studio has snatched Guy for a sequel.  So, once again, Lobo is rudderless.  Too bad.  I wish he was the villain in IM2 . . . Although I am looking forward to Whiplash . . .

5.  LA FEMME NIBORING. And speaking of directors who suck, the mastermind who made Terminator boring and Charlie’s Angels sexless is now ready to reboot one of the best foreign action flicks of all time: McG is working on La Femme Nikita.  I’m sure it will suck the brown juice outta dead babies.

6.  And finally, the great Robot 6 blog has reported that there may be a “Young Justice” animated series. You remember YJ, right?  It was where the Teen Titans sucked so they became a mini-Justice League, and the costumes were lame and the characters were inconsistent with their long-established histories.  The ‘toon is supposed to include some of the usual suspects like Aqualad, Nightwing, Impulse (remember him?  Kid Flash with a stupider name?), and Connor Kent; some esoteric characters that nobody cares about (Martian Girl) and some spin offs that are so lame they’re kitch (Green Arrow sidekick Speedy’s spin-off character, Arrowette).  This can’t be good.