Thou Shall Not Fall-Joe Buddens

1.  FLASH NEWS FLASH! Rumor is that before it even hits the screen, the Green Lantern movie is so good that one of its writers, Great Berlanti, has been tapped to make a Flash flick.  And the movie is on the (ahem) fast track.  It’s about time D.C. stepped up.  Of course, it may be too late.  If Kick-Ass is a hit, we may be seeing an end to unrealistic cape capers, and a movement towards neorealism.  (Which would be a boon for a Daredevil reboot!)

2.  LET’S RAP ABOUT CAP. Another rumor says that the Captain America has been put on hold.  I hope they’re firing the director.  The Wolfman sucked, and dude has not been doing the hero justice in his public discussions about Steve Rogers.

3.  GHOSTBUSTERS 3!(?). There have been dozens of rumors about a third “Ghostbusters,” especially around the time the video game came out last year, so it’s hard at this point to give credence to any of them.  But this time it was Bill Murray himself spreading the news that he’d come back for a threequel as the ghost of his character, Peter Venkman.  Who knows if it’s true at this point.  All I know is, Murray was fantastic in Zombieland.

4.  METRIC VS. SCOTT PILGRIM. Finally, a way to combine my two favorite things: Music and comics!  The soundtrack to the upcoming comic-turned-Michael-Cera-film ,Scott Pilgrim, features a band you’ve never heard of, “The Clash At Demonhead,” whose music is actually played by a band you have heard of, on this site, many times . . . Metric!  The band posted a song, “Black Sheep,” on their Facebook page.

5.  MOUSE GUARD. And in a paragraph for my wee ones, the exceedingly high quality kids graphic novel series, David Petersen’s “Mouse Guard,” promises to grow by two titles this year.  First, “Legends of the Guard” will be a gonzo book by Petersen’s friends and associates consisting of one-and-dones.  Second, “The Black Axe” will take place before the first Mouse Guard book and will feature the origins of Celanawe.  One of the Legends tales will be featured on Free Comic Book Day.  Now, when will the movie be developed?

6.  WANTED 2! Apparently, the movie is a go, sans Jolie.  She was hardly the best part about the first one, anyway, which I thought was a really solid action flick.

7.  MORE WOLVERINE! I guess Logan got jealous of all the Deadpool books out there, ‘cause they’ve announced yet another Wolverine monthly.  In addition to Weapon X, Wolverine, X-Men, whatever Avengers book he’s in, and Dark Wolverine.  Oh, and X-Force sometimes, too.  And guest shots.  What makes this one special?  Neal Adams!  I wouldn’t really associate his clear, muscular style with the gritty and dirty Wolverine character, but I’ll take a look at anything Neal does.  He’s a comic God, and he’s been out of the Marvel biz for about three decades now.

8.  PREDATORS. This summer will see the release of “Predators,” and all of my readers who will be at SXSW have a chance to see a preview screening.  It’s produced by Robert Rodriguez, which is a good thing if it’s produced by the dude who did El Mariachi and Desperado, but bad if it’s the dude who made that crapfest with Tarantino a few years back . . . And it stars Laurence Fishburne, which, again, points only to ambiguous potential.

9.  BATMAN AND ROBIN. And not last but least, a brief review of Grant Morrison’s B&R so far: I like the ideas.  The story is cool.  The villains are terrific throwbacks to vintage Bob Kane.  The art is undependable, but when it’s by Cameron Stewart, it’s great.  So why don’t I love this series?  Because, as usual, Morrison expects me to be able to read his mind (and/or know every little bit of Bat-lore) in order to understand the story.  Grant, all the elements of a story are well and good, but they’re just elements.  Story matters.

10.  I’M A BLACK LANTERN . . . WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO BE A LANTERN, TOO?  Done reading?  Go HERE TO find out which Lantern you are!

I don’t usually review movies in this space, but I’m as qualified to do so as I am to review music or comics.  Which is to say, I’m a little more qualified than Ellen is to judge amateur pop stars.  (I mean, I’ve been doing it since about ’05.  When did she get started?)  But I just saw The Crazies, and I have to write about it.  I have to!

By way of disclosure: I am a huge George A. Romero fan.  The first movie I ever saw that made an impact on me was Night of the Living Dead.  (Okay, the second.  Star Wars was the first.)  I was about 8 years old, and we were on vacation in a log cabin in Maine .  My dad wanted to see it, and so me, him, and my mom drove into Port Clyde to the only movie theater—a revival house—had dinner at Peter Ott’s Steakhouse, and went to the flick.  I lasted until the brick hit the car window, and then I was out.  Had nightmares for a week and barely a drop of blood was shed.

I can’t say the original The Crazies had anything close to that kind of impact on me, but since then I haven’t missed one of George’s films.  He doesn’t direct or write as much as he used to, and I couldn’t get through Diary of the Dead (camerawork made me nauseous), but I dug all the other “The Dead” films, loved The Dark Half and Creepshow, and even found redeeming parts of Monkey Shines.  So I had to see the remake of The Crazies on opening weekend.

It sounds like a million other plague/zombie movies: Town goes from creepy to insane in a matter days, just about everybody dies, there’s violence, etc. etc.  All that does indeed occur.  But it’s handled very well.  It is genuinely frightening, and when it takes that inevitable turn from horror to action flick (as far too many horror films do these days), it actually retains its tone.  It’s not like watching two different movies.  Part of the way it maintains its style is by staying with one point of view.  Unlike the original, the only indications we have of military involvement are a few satellite pictures and then we see whatever David, the Sheriff and main character, sees.  This is where it goes right where Hills Have Eyes 2 went wrong—we the audience stay with the main player.

No, there’s nothing really new here, and the coincidence that David and his wife are both immune does seem far fetched, but this is a solidly terrifying (and realistic) movie.  The last thing to mention is the role of the military.  The military is portrayed as a fascistic, unsympathetic monolith, with just two exceptions: The first is a young National Guardsman briefly captured by David and his deputy, the other is a bureaucrat trying to flee the town.  But this seems both realistic and proper: To those who think it portrays the military in a negative light, I say what would you have them do to stop a supervirus of this magnitude?  I think the tone was just right.

So I’m giving it my highest recommendation.

1.  CONFESSION TIME. I will not be as good a comic-book blogger anymore.  Economics require that I stop buying as many single-issue books.  Therefore, I’ll be focusing on the “trades,” paperback collections of single issues that tend to come out 3-5 months after the last issue contained in the collection.  That means I won’t be reading “Siege” until about August.  I’ll still be up on the buzz and all, but I won’t be as current with the details.  But I’m not sure that you, my readers, really care anyway.  I used to get lots of comments on comic posts, but not so much anymore.  This is more about my own love now, not yours, I guess.

2.  DEADPOOL IS GREAT THIS MONTH!  (ALL THREE OF THEM!) This May, Marvel’s Heroic Age begins–the antidote for the “Cynical Age” which began (formally) with Civil War.  Exploring the difference between a hero and a cynic is Deadpool, who hung up his mercenary status (but only in his main book—“Deadpool Team Up” and “Merc with a Mouth” seem to exist in their own continuity) and tried to join the X-Men (DP #15-18).  Needless to say, it didn’t take.  So now, he’s harassing Spider-Man, trying to learn how to be a solo hero.  Deadpool #19 was laugh-out-loud funny, and although many will complain about Hitmonkey, I thought he was perfect villain for this madcap, unpredictable series.  Daniel Way is terrific—I can’t figure out why I dislike his “Wolverine” work so much—at weaving in Deadpool’s schizophrenic internal dialog and Pool-O-Vision.  Art-wise, we got Carlo Barberi, who was also behind the Deadpool: Suicide Kings
miniseries.  Very solid stuff.

3.  UNBREAKABLE 2???? Bruce Willis let it slip recently at MTV that there might be an Unbreakable 2.  I think he was fishing for work—U2 won’t ever happen.  Don’t get me wrong, the first film is one of my all-time favorite flicks.  But it’s a little late for the sequel, and M. Knight hasn’t made a really good film in quite a while.  Or at least a really good dark film—Airbender looks like it may be good.  I remember reading an interview with M. a long time ago where he said that Unbreakable was actually a trilogy.  If so, I think he’d be better off releasing it as a comic book.  Willis is long in the tooth for the role, unless the sequel takes place many years later . . . Aw, who am I kidding.  I’d sleep outdoors to see the sequel to Unbreakable!

4.  SUPERMOVIE. David S. “Batman Begins” Goyer has, supposedly, written a script for the next Superman movie, “The Man of Steel,” modeled after John Byrne’s classic 1980s take on the character.  Words can’t express how disappointed I was with “Superman Returns.”  I mean, there’s been great Superman films (the first two Richard Donner ones), terrible ones (Richard Pryor??) but never before had there been a boring one.  DC should forget that film ever existed.  Goyer’s script is not an origin story, which is a good thing.  We’ve had too many of those on the screen, and book-wise we just got one last year from Geoff Johns and we’re getting another one next year from JMS.  Enough!  Let’s see Superman be super, already!  The rumor is this one will have both Braniac and Luthor, and Christopher Nolan may also be involved if he finishes with Batman 3 first.  But then again, this could all just be rumor.

5.  RINGS. What isn’t a rumor is that DC is going to be adding White Lantern rings to the rainbow of Green Lantern promo plastic.  I’ve got all seven so far, hanging on the staff of my wife’s statue of the Mayor from Nightmare Before Christmas.  Woo-hoo!
6.  CAPTAIN AMERINERD!  I’ve said before that I’m not impressed by director Joe Johnston’s public statements about the greatest superhero of all time, Captain America.  I’m very nervous about the film.  And now I’m reading that John “The Office” Krasinski is in the running as Steve Rogers?  Please, God, no.  Captain America is supposed to be huge.  I could break Krasinski in two with one hand tied behind my back.  He’s also supposed to be inspiring, not a squishy, loveable goofball.  John K might make a good Fabian Stankowicz, though.  (Anybody catch his clash with Deadpool this month?  Hilarious!)

7.  THE LOSING TEAM. There’s a whole bunch of trailers for The Losers floating around now.  Am I the only one who thinks it looks less interesting than The A-Team?  I might be . . .

8.  SPIDEY (AGAIN). I talk a lot about Amazing Spider-Man here because none of you ever comment on it, which makes me think you’re not reading it, and you should be.  And a good place to start is with this week’s #622, a one-and-done interlude in the “Gauntlet” series, which is bringing back and rebooting all of Spidey’s classic foes.  This issue is about Morbius The Living Vampire, who is an old but not exactly “classic.”  The art chores are picked up by Joe Quinones (there are rotating creative staffs on the Spidey book) and the writing is by Fred Van Lente, who is fast becoming one of my favorite new writers.  (He worked with Greg Pak on Incredible Hercules, picked up the Marvel Zombies series and made it go from just good to great, and has done some really solid kid-oriented comics in the Marvel Adventures line.)  It’s far from the best issue of AmSpM, but it’s a nice introduction into how they’re handling Marvel’s best
character these days.

9.  BLACKEST NIGHT #7. The penultimate issue arrived this week.  This is a series that started out waaaaaay too slow.  I know it’s an epic, but give us some meat with our exposition, please!  Then it picked up speed (almost too quickly) more than halfway in.    Now, just about every dead DC character worth raising (and many who aren’t) is back, has a ring, and is looking for . . . What exactly?  Like most DC epics, I have a hard time understanding why I’m supposed to care about all this, and what the villain really wants.  Marvel does this so much better.  Call it simplistic if you want, but the stakes in everything from Secret Wars (the first of these kind of gang bang sagas) to Siege have always been clear.  Now, we see that Black Lantern Luthor is kind of an idiot—I guess the ring makes you lose IQ points along with any shred of morality, decency, or good hygiene); are told that the real goal of the “evil” lanterns is not evil but death, which is apparently the status quo for the universe (life is unnatural and fleeting, death is a constant); and the meaning of life is nothing more than a collection of our most extreme and identifiable emotions: Rage, Fear, Love, etc.  At first I thought this was deep, but now I see it as just facile.  It’s not that Blackest Night is bad, it’s definitely one of the best DC stories in many years, it’s just that it doesn’t look like it’s really going to change much of anything.  Except that, at the end, Guy Gardner will get his own book, alongside my favorite Green Lantern–Kilowog.  I even have a mini-mate of the snout-nosed powerhouse.  So at least that’s something.

It’s been a while, due to snow and slush and sludge and general hell here on the East Coast, but the News is back . . .

1. DVDs COMING SOON . . . DC and Marvel have been outdoing themselves, and sometimes each other, quite a bit lately. Marvel’s DVD movie line has been of exceptional quality, with the latest solid release being Planet Hulk (co-starring Beta Ray Bill!). DC’s new Justice League DVD “Crisis on Two Earth,” arrives in a few days (can’t wait!), and it will be followed by “Batman: Under the Red Hood.” The script is actually penned by Judd Winick (who authored the 2005 comic book story arc upon which it is based). This was one of the best, and least nonsensical, Batman stories of the past decade, and I think it’s going to be the first DC DVD featuring Nightwing as a main cast member. The next Marvel DVD will be Thor. Not looking forward to that so much—it’s very hard to make Thor good. Only two creators have succeeded, in my book: Walt Simonson and JMS. We’ll see how Matt Fraction does on the book, post-Seige . . .

2. THE BOOK OF AKIRA. All of the reviews I read of The Book of Eli were bad, but I liked the movie. I thought the way it was filmed was interesting, the story was as inventive as post-apocalypse stories can be (sort of a cross between Fahrenheit 451, Road Warrior, and The Road), and who doesn’t like Denzel? Of course, I think most Hughes Brothers projects are good—but I admit that they can be hard to get into. The team is now negotiating an adaptation Atsuhiro Otomo’s “Akira” done as a futuristic Western.

3. SPIDER-MAN IN 3D. The reboot will be in 3D. Ugh. I hate 3D. Stupid glasses. The screen is enough for me, thank you very much. I may actually have to sit this one out. I can’t believe I just wrote that.

4. ANT MAN! Stan Lee discussed (via Twitter) Edgar “Shaun of the Dead” Wright’s work on the Ant Man movie. With him at the helm, it will have to be good, right?

5. NOT ULTIMATE, ASTONISHING! Marvel has announced a new “Astonishing” line, geared towards new readers. Joss Whedon and John Cassaday did this with the X-Men a while back, to great effect (best X-Men run ever, in my view). I’m not a huge Warren Ellis fan, which may be why I haven’t thought much about the Astonishing X-Men post-Joss, but the new books will be two miniseries. The first is Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis by Ellis and artist Kaare Andrews (3 issues). The second, a 6-issue miniseries called, “Astonishing Spider-Man/Wolverine.” The book will be created by Jason Aaron and Adam Kubert. I’m a big fan of Kubert but Aaron, not so much. I don’t get all the hubub over his Wolverine stuff. I find it pretty unimaginative. The Astonishing mini will take place within the regular Marvel Universe continuity but will be self-contained, so new readers can jump right in. Seems like Marvel’s real plan to attract top talent to do a short stories about their favorite characters, which, if true, is a terrific idea.

6. TOO FAT TO FLY. Lastly, I couldn’t resist reporting that director/former Daredevil scribe Kevin Smith was ejected from a Southwest Airlines flight on Saturday because he was too fat to fit in one seat. The airline later apologized. Apologized? I wish they’d do this more often! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat next to someone who pushed me half into the aisle!

1.  MYSTERIOSO. If you’re not reading Amazing Spider-Man these days, you’re missing out on the best Spider-stories since Roger Stern was at the helm.  And over the course of the last half-dozen (or so) issues, Spidey has been running through “The Gauntlet”—the first time he’s facing each of his classic villains since Brand New Day.  The Sandman story was offbeat and fascinating.  The Rhino story was one of the best Spider stories ever—with incredible art by Max Fiumara and a fresh take on the character—and now it’s time for Mysterio, with a script by Dan “Mighty Avengers” Slott and art by up-and-comer Marcos Martin.  There’s a lot of crime stuff, which can be a little cliché, but readers who sit through those first three pages of grisly death scenes will be rewarded at the end: It all means something.  And in the personal life department, Aunt May has once again fallen in with a bad crowd to great effect.  In fact, something happens in the first issue of this arc that actually made one of my sons (we all read this book together) cry out loud, “No!”  That a comic can make a ten year old care so much for an old lady supporting character is a testament to how great the editors are handling this three-times-a-month release.  You really, really, really should be giving this book another chance.
2.  PUT A RING ON IT. I was a big fan of the “Blackest Night” plastic ring promotion.  I had one of each, prominently displayed in my home near the giant talking Santa that we keep around for most of the year, dressing him in various seasonal garbs.  But my kids took the rings and now they’re scattered about.  Sigh.  Anyhoo, D.C. has announced a similar promotion for the post-BN “event,” their 26 issue “Brightest Day” series, that promises to reboot the entire DCU.  They’re offering one Flash and one GL ring.  Nerdcool!
3.  BEEN CAUGHT STEALING? Sci-Fi/Capes website io9 totally ripped my idea of 15 comics that need to be made into movies/tv shows with their feature of 10 Marvel comics we need to see on television.  They even used a similar format, and picked Power Pack as one of their choices!  Should I be flattered?  I can’t disagree with their esoteric selections of the wonderful late ‘80s miniseries “The Bozz Chronicles,” Ann Nocenti’s take on Longshot, But Star Brand?  And Machine Man?  Come on, he’s stupid now and always has been stupid.  And Son of Satan?  Do they honestly think America is going to pick up on a show, made by Disney, with “Satan” in the title?
4.  IRON MAN KILLS LOBO. If you’re one of the folks who just couldn’t wait to see how Guy Ritchie would ruin D.C.’s Lobo character in a feature film . . . You’ll have to keep waiting.  Based on the success of the terribly lamed Sherlock Holmes flick, the studio has snatched Guy for a sequel.  So, once again, Lobo is rudderless.  Too bad.  I wish he was the villain in IM2 . . . Although I am looking forward to Whiplash . . .

5.  LA FEMME NIBORING. And speaking of directors who suck, the mastermind who made Terminator boring and Charlie’s Angels sexless is now ready to reboot one of the best foreign action flicks of all time: McG is working on La Femme Nikita.  I’m sure it will suck the brown juice outta dead babies.

6.  And finally, the great Robot 6 blog has reported that there may be a “Young Justice” animated series. You remember YJ, right?  It was where the Teen Titans sucked so they became a mini-Justice League, and the costumes were lame and the characters were inconsistent with their long-established histories.  The ‘toon is supposed to include some of the usual suspects like Aqualad, Nightwing, Impulse (remember him?  Kid Flash with a stupider name?), and Connor Kent; some esoteric characters that nobody cares about (Martian Girl) and some spin offs that are so lame they’re kitch (Green Arrow sidekick Speedy’s spin-off character, Arrowette).  This can’t be good.

1.  SOMETIMES IT ENDS IN APRIL. As expected, Marvel has confirmed that all four Avengers books are ending in April, with the end of Siege.  The most amazing part of all that is that these books are regular big sellers, and Marvel is not known for leaving money on the table.  I groused a lot about the Death of Cap, Avengers Dissembled, the creation of Dark Avengers, but I’ve learned to trust Joe.  To make the bittersweet sweeter, there will be a one-shot finale for New Avengers by Brian Michael Bendis and artist Bryan Hitch (who I thought had gone over to D.C. exclusively?).  What’s next?  The “Age of Heroes.”  Hopefully, this means we can get a little more levity and optimism from our heroes.  Also, I hope Cap punches Tony Stark in the face.  At least once.
2.  THE RETURN OF THE TITANS. When I was a kid, The New Teen Titans was my favorite comic book.  I’m talking about the Marv Wolfman/George Perez title; the one that introduced Raven and Starfire, turned Robin into Nightwing and Kid Flash into Flash, established the creepy (incestuous?) relationship between Terra and Terminator, and served as inspiration for one of the greatest cartoons of all time: Teen Titans, Go!  The book turned sidekicks into stars, and made spin-off characters more interesting than the big-boys they were based on.  D.C. has announced that they’re going to publish a new graphic novel by Wolfman/Perez, that was actually begun in 1987.  It will feature the Teen Titans from that era—when they were at their best.  I wrote a few weeks ago about D.C.’s plans for Superman and Batman Graphic Novels as well.  I think they’re recognizing that serialized issues aren’t as appealing to collectors any more for many
reasons—paperbacks are easier to store, tell whole stories in one sitting, and are much, much cheaper.  Perhaps D.C. will do for this format what Marvel did for trades in the 2000s?  At the same time that Marv and George are returning, DC has announced a “Titans: Villains for Hire” team headed up by Terminator, which might(?) be good (although recent Titans titles have pretty much been underwhelming).
3.  SPIDER-MAN 4. What a week!  The fact that Spider-Man 4 news is this low on the list of items you need to know about shows how many cool things are going on right now.  Plus, I’m sure most have already heard that the new Spidey director is in fact Marc Webb, a rumor I reported on last week.  He directed one of the Greatest Chick Flicks Of All Time and one of the best movies of 2009: (500) Days of Summer.  Can a quirky romantic director capture Spidey in high school?  Probably.  Sam Raimi did wonders for the character, and changed supermovies forever, but maybe it is time for new blood.  I’m actually feeling optimistic—I’m not sure Raimi had much left to say about Spider-Man, and new creative blood might do the franchise some good.  Now we’ll see if Twilight star Taylor Lautner is indeed the new Peter Parker . . .
4.  ADVENTURE COMICS. I’m going to give a special shout-out to the first six issues of Adventure Comics, which conclude the story arc introducing the “new” (old) Superboy.  Issue one started with Superboy’s diary, in which he began checking off important events in Superman and Luthor’s lives, to determine which of his two genetic fathers were most important to his character.  I’m not going to give anything away, but I am going to say that Geoff Johns has (again) reinvented the way hero/villain stories should be told.  It shows how evil a villain can be, and how hard it is for a hero to act heroic in the face of such evil.  This is a terrific story arc that reboots a character while simultaneously reconciling with his convoluted past.  And the art by Francis Manapul is some of the best I’ve seen.  This is the last issue for the Johns/Manapul team, who are moving to the Flash title, and I can’t imagine how the book will maintain its quality in the future.  Although I know that, as for the weaker Legion of Super Heroes stories that have been second features in some of the first 6 issues, Paul Levitz is relaunching a new Legion book soon.  And I have hopes for that, because he’s far and away the best Legion writer of all time.

5.  WHO’S IVAN REITMAN GONNA CALL? Ivan has agreed to do Ghostbusters 3, and there are indications Sigourney Weaver could be on board.  I like Siggy and all, but without Bill Murray . ..
6.  CHICKS WITH PECS! In the spirit of Pet Avengers, Marvel is turning women into novelty items with a new book, Her-Oes, an out-of-continuity book featuring hot Marvel ladies like Wasp, She-Hulk, Ms. Marvel and Namora . . . In High School.  The sample art from
http://www.comicbookresources.com/
Comic Book Resources looks very Power-Pack-ish, so I’m guessing this will be an all-ages book, but the author is comparing it to Ultimate Spider-Man.  The only hope for this book is that it’s written by Grace Randolph, the woman behind BOOM’s “Muppet Peter Pan,” a decent quality kids comic.  I reserve judgment . . .

7.  WALKING DEAD REDEMPTION. I reported last week about AMC picking up a Walking Dead series.  Well, they’ve approved the pilot, and it’s written by Frank (Shawshank Redemption, The Mist) Darabont.  Couldn’t think of anyone better.  We’ll end on that!

1.  SPIDER-MAN 4. Seems like there’s a new rumor every week.  Or, in this case, several.  First, John Malkovich said he’d been been cast as The Vulture for Spider-Man 4.  But at the same time, Sony was putting its foot down and saying it wouldn’t pay for a movie with a lead villain who was . . . Old and in green tights.  And now, in an incredible turn of events, Sony is saying the entire project is scrapped.  That’s right.  They’d rather leave Raimi, Maguire and Dunst behind than make a movie with Oscar-winner Malkovich.  Great thinking, Sony!  Way to kill a billion-dollar baby!  Now, they’re going to revive the franchise as Ultimate Spider-Man.  Great.  So now we have to sit through ANOTHER origin movie?  Sam Raimi said it best: The origin story is the one everyone has to sit through before they get to the story they really want to see.  Even if the reboot is great, there’s no way anyone can re-tell Amazing Fantasy #15 better than Raimi did in SM1.  There’s no way to make an origin fresh and exciting after what Sam and Tobey did—that was pure genius.  Top that off: Sony’s top choice for director is Marc “(500) Days of Summer” Webb.  A music video director who made a brilliant but cute-as-hell love story?  The whole reason SM1 and 2 worked was Raimi’s eclectic horror/action perspective—his ability to find humor in the darkness is exactly what makes for a good Spidey comic.  David Fincher’s name is also being kicked around, which isn’t bad, but I can’t think of anyone who would do better than Raimi.  Except maybe Joss Whedon.  And they want to shoot it in 3D, with those godawful glasses.  What a lousy way to lead this week’s news roundup post.

2.  In better news: No date is announced yet, but AMC—home of one of my favorite shows (no, not Mad Men—Breaking Bad!)—will be serializing Robert Kirkman’s “Walking Dead” comic book.  Comic is a ton of fun . . .

3.  I saw my first movie of 2010—Daybreaker.  Was it great? No.  But it was amusing, and definitely had its moments.  My main problem with it was that it was too well produced.  Stylized monster movies just don’t tend to be scary to me.  I prefer the grit of Romero and Carpenter.  Did see a preview for The Crazies, though, and it looks vile.  Can’t wait to see it.

4.  Did you hear that David Finch, the genius artist of Millar’s Ultimates run, recently signed exclusively to DC?  How did that happen?  I can’t believe Marvel would let him go like that.  Anyway, he’ll be the cover artist for the post-Blackest Night event, titled “Brightest Day.”  It’s not entirely clear what the even will mean, but it will have lots of cross-overs so that you can spend your money on titles you wouldn’t normally buy just to get a page or two of necessary continuity.  The series will start in April, will last a year and be published biweekly.  Geoff Johns and Peter Tomasi are the writing staff.  I know lots of folks praised 52, but I guess I’m just not enough of a DC guy to get all wet about this.  I do dig BN, though.  In fact, Newsrama ran a great interview with Geoff Johns, where he explained about Blackest Night and the fight between mortals and Nekron: “We [mortals] age because we’re not supposed to be here. So we grow old. It’s the universe fighting against us. We age and die because we aren’t wanted here. Space was here then life came and messed up everything. In truth, life is chaos and death is order.”  I never read the series that way before.  It’s kinda deep.

5.  Why aren’t you all reading the hilarious, ultraviolent, carefree and insane Punisher comic book yet?  It’s like Deadpool, only way more wild.  Seriously.  Punisher isn’t a stupid idea anymore, not since Warren Ellis did the “serious” PunisherMax series.

6.  There’s an A-Team trailer out, with Liam Neeson as Hannibal!  The real key to this film will be whether Quinton “Rampage” Jackson can fill Mr. T’s bejeweled shoes . . . And believe me, I have doubts.

7.  Joe Johnston, director of The Wolfman, discussed the Captain America movie with BOXOFFICE.com recently, and showed that he doesn’t know much about Cap. First, he says, “The great thing about Captain America is he’s a super hero without any super powers.”   Really?  So that super soldier serum was a placebo?  Then, Johnston says that after Steve Rogers was turned into Cap, “You’d think he got everything he wanted. Well, he didn’t get everything he wanted.”  Yes, he did!  He wanted to be a hero!  One of the best things about Captain America is that he never, ever doubts being a hero.  He doesn’t let a burglar run by him and kill his uncle; he doesn’t miss his mommy and daddy as a drive for vengeance; and for a long time, he hasn’t even had a secret identity!  The movie will be an origin story, and I’m not real psyched about that.  I’d much rather see him and Bucky tearing ass through the Nazis than skinny-boy-gets-big.  Cap is probably my second favorite superhero, so I hope to God they do right by him.  Or at least pattern him after Brubaker’s Cap, not Bendis’ or Millar’s.

8.  And finally, in the advance hype section, I don’t know if I’ve told y’all that Animalogic Studios (Happy Feet) is working on a movie of Jeff Smith’s wonderful, all ages appropriate “Bone” comic.  Hope it’s good!

These days, Vampires are all the rage. And let’s face it, Vampires are cool. But Dracula usually sucks. Pun intended. But seriously, when you know that a movie, TV show or book is about The Count–as opposed to being about a less renown vampire–it’s usually an indicator that something lame this way comes. But such is not always the case. And it certainly wasn’t true in Bram Stoker’s original, classic novel. But where else can we see good versions of Drac–not corny, stupid ones? The answers are below . . . In this list of my favorite depictions of the true Crown Prince of Dracness.

10. Buffy the Vampire Slayer No.s 12-15 (“Wolves at the Gate”). but the Buff comic books are quite good, and in this story arc, which follows the Buffy vs. Dracula TV episode also on this list, the team reunites with Dracula in Japan of all places to fight a new group of super-powered vampires. The terrific story arc by Drew Goddard has all the charm, drama, and humor of the TV series.

9. Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein. Abbot and Costello versus a legion of monsters including The Wolfman, Mummy and Dracula. Yes, the 1948 film is definitely a little dated, but it’s still a great vision of the comedic possibilities in Bela Lugosi’s classic vision of the character.

8. Uncanny X-Men #159 (“Night Screams!”). Storm is hypnotized by Dracula, who wants her as his nubian princess. It’s a pretty damn cool idea–why wouldn’t Dracula seek to turn a mutant into a vampire? The story was kind of a one-off, outside of the regular X-Men continuity, but it was far better than it should have been. And the cover by Bill (“Moon Knight”) Sienkiewicz is brilliant. Note: The subsequent X-vs.-Drac battle in X-Men Annual #6, wasn’t nearly as good.

7. The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror IV (“Bart Simpson’s Dracula”). The 1993 installment of the animated show’s tribute to Halloween–an annual favorite at my house. In this episode, Dracula is portrayed as Mr. Burns, with images that borrow heavily from the brillant Francis Ford Coppola film (see below). That is, before the episode takes a bizarre turn and into a parody of the Charlie Brown Christmas special). Very Monty Pythonesque.

6.  Salem’s Lot.   Since Vlad doesn’t appear in it, it might not be fair to include this on a “Best of Dracula” list, but I’m doing it because Stephen King has stated repeatedly that his brilliant novel–one of the scariest books ever written–was intended as an update of the Dracula novel–what if Dracula took place in Maine in the modern day?  This is the only novel on this list, which isn’t to say that there aren’t good books about Dracula–it’s just that I haven’t read any.

5.  Dracula.  In Francis Ford Coppola’s 1992 film, Gary Oldman is the titular vampire.  This is the closest thing to a film version of the novel, but what makes it great is Gary.  Oldman is always great a being an over-the-top villain (see The Fifth Element, The Professional, and True Romance), and this role is no exception.  He’s effeminate, ironic, irritating and evil.  And larger than life.

4.  Buffy vs. Dracula.  In the first episode of the show’s 5th season, Dracula is portrayed as an obnoxious egomaniac by soap opera actor Rudolf Martin.  Yeah, I’m a little Buffycentric putting her twice on this list–but was anyone in the 1990s more important than Buffy for redefining vampires as a genre?  And what’s cool about this episode is that The Count can’t be killed like a normal vamp, which explains why he’s been able to survive for centuries without any slayer ever being able to get to him.  Yet, he doesn’t really have any supremely sinister goals or aspirations–or at least none that he cares all that much about.  He’s kind of like Paris Hilton.

3.  The Tomb of Dracula.  Beginning a six-year run in 1972, this Marvel Comics series featured a gang of vampire hunters who would fight against–and sometimes alongside–Dracula.  This was Marvel’s first superhero monster book–followed by Werewolf By Night (the series in which Moon Knight debuted), Legion of Monsters, and utimately the Blade series.  The book was made possible by a loosening of the comic book code’s ban on all vampires, and was written by legends like Gerry Conway and Archie Goodwin, and drawn by the brilliant, shadowy, sketchy Gene Colan (with covers by Gil Kane).  No, the series wasn’t always brilliant, but it did something for Dracula that I’m pretty sure no one had done before: It made him an action hero.

2.  Dracula.  The 1931 film by Tod Browning and starring Bela Lugosi remains the iconic depiction of the lord of vampires.  It’s not even close to the book version–the Count is far less powerful here than in Stoker’s novel–but all the elements for all the versions to follow are there: Hypnotic sexuality, the eyes, alliances with wolves and wierdos, hot chicks, and Dr. Van Helsing.  For more Bela, don’t miss Martin Landau in Tim Burton’s amazing Ed Wood film.

1.  Nosferatu.  The first film about the bloodsucking king remains the most frightening.  F.W. Murnau’s 1922 silent film has the creepiest looking depiction of Vlad the Impaler, even if Count Dracula’s name is never used (because Bram Stoker’s estate would not give Murnau the rights).  Max Schreck plays Count Orlok, with a rat face and skinny, boney fingers, and a story that may have been different enough to avoid a lawsuit but definitely is, without a doubt, the first film version of Dracula.