1.  CONFESSION TIME. I will not be as good a comic-book blogger anymore.  Economics require that I stop buying as many single-issue books.  Therefore, I’ll be focusing on the “trades,” paperback collections of single issues that tend to come out 3-5 months after the last issue contained in the collection.  That means I won’t be reading “Siege” until about August.  I’ll still be up on the buzz and all, but I won’t be as current with the details.  But I’m not sure that you, my readers, really care anyway.  I used to get lots of comments on comic posts, but not so much anymore.  This is more about my own love now, not yours, I guess.

2.  DEADPOOL IS GREAT THIS MONTH!  (ALL THREE OF THEM!) This May, Marvel’s Heroic Age begins–the antidote for the “Cynical Age” which began (formally) with Civil War.  Exploring the difference between a hero and a cynic is Deadpool, who hung up his mercenary status (but only in his main book—“Deadpool Team Up” and “Merc with a Mouth” seem to exist in their own continuity) and tried to join the X-Men (DP #15-18).  Needless to say, it didn’t take.  So now, he’s harassing Spider-Man, trying to learn how to be a solo hero.  Deadpool #19 was laugh-out-loud funny, and although many will complain about Hitmonkey, I thought he was perfect villain for this madcap, unpredictable series.  Daniel Way is terrific—I can’t figure out why I dislike his “Wolverine” work so much—at weaving in Deadpool’s schizophrenic internal dialog and Pool-O-Vision.  Art-wise, we got Carlo Barberi, who was also behind the Deadpool: Suicide Kings
miniseries.  Very solid stuff.

3.  UNBREAKABLE 2???? Bruce Willis let it slip recently at MTV that there might be an Unbreakable 2.  I think he was fishing for work—U2 won’t ever happen.  Don’t get me wrong, the first film is one of my all-time favorite flicks.  But it’s a little late for the sequel, and M. Knight hasn’t made a really good film in quite a while.  Or at least a really good dark film—Airbender looks like it may be good.  I remember reading an interview with M. a long time ago where he said that Unbreakable was actually a trilogy.  If so, I think he’d be better off releasing it as a comic book.  Willis is long in the tooth for the role, unless the sequel takes place many years later . . . Aw, who am I kidding.  I’d sleep outdoors to see the sequel to Unbreakable!

4.  SUPERMOVIE. David S. “Batman Begins” Goyer has, supposedly, written a script for the next Superman movie, “The Man of Steel,” modeled after John Byrne’s classic 1980s take on the character.  Words can’t express how disappointed I was with “Superman Returns.”  I mean, there’s been great Superman films (the first two Richard Donner ones), terrible ones (Richard Pryor??) but never before had there been a boring one.  DC should forget that film ever existed.  Goyer’s script is not an origin story, which is a good thing.  We’ve had too many of those on the screen, and book-wise we just got one last year from Geoff Johns and we’re getting another one next year from JMS.  Enough!  Let’s see Superman be super, already!  The rumor is this one will have both Braniac and Luthor, and Christopher Nolan may also be involved if he finishes with Batman 3 first.  But then again, this could all just be rumor.

5.  RINGS. What isn’t a rumor is that DC is going to be adding White Lantern rings to the rainbow of Green Lantern promo plastic.  I’ve got all seven so far, hanging on the staff of my wife’s statue of the Mayor from Nightmare Before Christmas.  Woo-hoo!
6.  CAPTAIN AMERINERD!  I’ve said before that I’m not impressed by director Joe Johnston’s public statements about the greatest superhero of all time, Captain America.  I’m very nervous about the film.  And now I’m reading that John “The Office” Krasinski is in the running as Steve Rogers?  Please, God, no.  Captain America is supposed to be huge.  I could break Krasinski in two with one hand tied behind my back.  He’s also supposed to be inspiring, not a squishy, loveable goofball.  John K might make a good Fabian Stankowicz, though.  (Anybody catch his clash with Deadpool this month?  Hilarious!)

7.  THE LOSING TEAM. There’s a whole bunch of trailers for The Losers floating around now.  Am I the only one who thinks it looks less interesting than The A-Team?  I might be . . .

8.  SPIDEY (AGAIN). I talk a lot about Amazing Spider-Man here because none of you ever comment on it, which makes me think you’re not reading it, and you should be.  And a good place to start is with this week’s #622, a one-and-done interlude in the “Gauntlet” series, which is bringing back and rebooting all of Spidey’s classic foes.  This issue is about Morbius The Living Vampire, who is an old but not exactly “classic.”  The art chores are picked up by Joe Quinones (there are rotating creative staffs on the Spidey book) and the writing is by Fred Van Lente, who is fast becoming one of my favorite new writers.  (He worked with Greg Pak on Incredible Hercules, picked up the Marvel Zombies series and made it go from just good to great, and has done some really solid kid-oriented comics in the Marvel Adventures line.)  It’s far from the best issue of AmSpM, but it’s a nice introduction into how they’re handling Marvel’s best
character these days.

9.  BLACKEST NIGHT #7. The penultimate issue arrived this week.  This is a series that started out waaaaaay too slow.  I know it’s an epic, but give us some meat with our exposition, please!  Then it picked up speed (almost too quickly) more than halfway in.    Now, just about every dead DC character worth raising (and many who aren’t) is back, has a ring, and is looking for . . . What exactly?  Like most DC epics, I have a hard time understanding why I’m supposed to care about all this, and what the villain really wants.  Marvel does this so much better.  Call it simplistic if you want, but the stakes in everything from Secret Wars (the first of these kind of gang bang sagas) to Siege have always been clear.  Now, we see that Black Lantern Luthor is kind of an idiot—I guess the ring makes you lose IQ points along with any shred of morality, decency, or good hygiene); are told that the real goal of the “evil” lanterns is not evil but death, which is apparently the status quo for the universe (life is unnatural and fleeting, death is a constant); and the meaning of life is nothing more than a collection of our most extreme and identifiable emotions: Rage, Fear, Love, etc.  At first I thought this was deep, but now I see it as just facile.  It’s not that Blackest Night is bad, it’s definitely one of the best DC stories in many years, it’s just that it doesn’t look like it’s really going to change much of anything.  Except that, at the end, Guy Gardner will get his own book, alongside my favorite Green Lantern–Kilowog.  I even have a mini-mate of the snout-nosed powerhouse.  So at least that’s something.

It’s been a while, due to snow and slush and sludge and general hell here on the East Coast, but the News is back . . .

1. DVDs COMING SOON . . . DC and Marvel have been outdoing themselves, and sometimes each other, quite a bit lately. Marvel’s DVD movie line has been of exceptional quality, with the latest solid release being Planet Hulk (co-starring Beta Ray Bill!). DC’s new Justice League DVD “Crisis on Two Earth,” arrives in a few days (can’t wait!), and it will be followed by “Batman: Under the Red Hood.” The script is actually penned by Judd Winick (who authored the 2005 comic book story arc upon which it is based). This was one of the best, and least nonsensical, Batman stories of the past decade, and I think it’s going to be the first DC DVD featuring Nightwing as a main cast member. The next Marvel DVD will be Thor. Not looking forward to that so much—it’s very hard to make Thor good. Only two creators have succeeded, in my book: Walt Simonson and JMS. We’ll see how Matt Fraction does on the book, post-Seige . . .

2. THE BOOK OF AKIRA. All of the reviews I read of The Book of Eli were bad, but I liked the movie. I thought the way it was filmed was interesting, the story was as inventive as post-apocalypse stories can be (sort of a cross between Fahrenheit 451, Road Warrior, and The Road), and who doesn’t like Denzel? Of course, I think most Hughes Brothers projects are good—but I admit that they can be hard to get into. The team is now negotiating an adaptation Atsuhiro Otomo’s “Akira” done as a futuristic Western.

3. SPIDER-MAN IN 3D. The reboot will be in 3D. Ugh. I hate 3D. Stupid glasses. The screen is enough for me, thank you very much. I may actually have to sit this one out. I can’t believe I just wrote that.

4. ANT MAN! Stan Lee discussed (via Twitter) Edgar “Shaun of the Dead” Wright’s work on the Ant Man movie. With him at the helm, it will have to be good, right?

5. NOT ULTIMATE, ASTONISHING! Marvel has announced a new “Astonishing” line, geared towards new readers. Joss Whedon and John Cassaday did this with the X-Men a while back, to great effect (best X-Men run ever, in my view). I’m not a huge Warren Ellis fan, which may be why I haven’t thought much about the Astonishing X-Men post-Joss, but the new books will be two miniseries. The first is Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis by Ellis and artist Kaare Andrews (3 issues). The second, a 6-issue miniseries called, “Astonishing Spider-Man/Wolverine.” The book will be created by Jason Aaron and Adam Kubert. I’m a big fan of Kubert but Aaron, not so much. I don’t get all the hubub over his Wolverine stuff. I find it pretty unimaginative. The Astonishing mini will take place within the regular Marvel Universe continuity but will be self-contained, so new readers can jump right in. Seems like Marvel’s real plan to attract top talent to do a short stories about their favorite characters, which, if true, is a terrific idea.

6. TOO FAT TO FLY. Lastly, I couldn’t resist reporting that director/former Daredevil scribe Kevin Smith was ejected from a Southwest Airlines flight on Saturday because he was too fat to fit in one seat. The airline later apologized. Apologized? I wish they’d do this more often! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat next to someone who pushed me half into the aisle!

These days, Vampires are all the rage. And let’s face it, Vampires are cool. But Dracula usually sucks. Pun intended. But seriously, when you know that a movie, TV show or book is about The Count–as opposed to being about a less renown vampire–it’s usually an indicator that something lame this way comes. But such is not always the case. And it certainly wasn’t true in Bram Stoker’s original, classic novel. But where else can we see good versions of Drac–not corny, stupid ones? The answers are below . . . In this list of my favorite depictions of the true Crown Prince of Dracness.

10. Buffy the Vampire Slayer No.s 12-15 (“Wolves at the Gate”). but the Buff comic books are quite good, and in this story arc, which follows the Buffy vs. Dracula TV episode also on this list, the team reunites with Dracula in Japan of all places to fight a new group of super-powered vampires. The terrific story arc by Drew Goddard has all the charm, drama, and humor of the TV series.

9. Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein. Abbot and Costello versus a legion of monsters including The Wolfman, Mummy and Dracula. Yes, the 1948 film is definitely a little dated, but it’s still a great vision of the comedic possibilities in Bela Lugosi’s classic vision of the character.

8. Uncanny X-Men #159 (“Night Screams!”). Storm is hypnotized by Dracula, who wants her as his nubian princess. It’s a pretty damn cool idea–why wouldn’t Dracula seek to turn a mutant into a vampire? The story was kind of a one-off, outside of the regular X-Men continuity, but it was far better than it should have been. And the cover by Bill (“Moon Knight”) Sienkiewicz is brilliant. Note: The subsequent X-vs.-Drac battle in X-Men Annual #6, wasn’t nearly as good.

7. The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror IV (“Bart Simpson’s Dracula”). The 1993 installment of the animated show’s tribute to Halloween–an annual favorite at my house. In this episode, Dracula is portrayed as Mr. Burns, with images that borrow heavily from the brillant Francis Ford Coppola film (see below). That is, before the episode takes a bizarre turn and into a parody of the Charlie Brown Christmas special). Very Monty Pythonesque.

6.  Salem’s Lot.   Since Vlad doesn’t appear in it, it might not be fair to include this on a “Best of Dracula” list, but I’m doing it because Stephen King has stated repeatedly that his brilliant novel–one of the scariest books ever written–was intended as an update of the Dracula novel–what if Dracula took place in Maine in the modern day?  This is the only novel on this list, which isn’t to say that there aren’t good books about Dracula–it’s just that I haven’t read any.

5.  Dracula.  In Francis Ford Coppola’s 1992 film, Gary Oldman is the titular vampire.  This is the closest thing to a film version of the novel, but what makes it great is Gary.  Oldman is always great a being an over-the-top villain (see The Fifth Element, The Professional, and True Romance), and this role is no exception.  He’s effeminate, ironic, irritating and evil.  And larger than life.

4.  Buffy vs. Dracula.  In the first episode of the show’s 5th season, Dracula is portrayed as an obnoxious egomaniac by soap opera actor Rudolf Martin.  Yeah, I’m a little Buffycentric putting her twice on this list–but was anyone in the 1990s more important than Buffy for redefining vampires as a genre?  And what’s cool about this episode is that The Count can’t be killed like a normal vamp, which explains why he’s been able to survive for centuries without any slayer ever being able to get to him.  Yet, he doesn’t really have any supremely sinister goals or aspirations–or at least none that he cares all that much about.  He’s kind of like Paris Hilton.

3.  The Tomb of Dracula.  Beginning a six-year run in 1972, this Marvel Comics series featured a gang of vampire hunters who would fight against–and sometimes alongside–Dracula.  This was Marvel’s first superhero monster book–followed by Werewolf By Night (the series in which Moon Knight debuted), Legion of Monsters, and utimately the Blade series.  The book was made possible by a loosening of the comic book code’s ban on all vampires, and was written by legends like Gerry Conway and Archie Goodwin, and drawn by the brilliant, shadowy, sketchy Gene Colan (with covers by Gil Kane).  No, the series wasn’t always brilliant, but it did something for Dracula that I’m pretty sure no one had done before: It made him an action hero.

2.  Dracula.  The 1931 film by Tod Browning and starring Bela Lugosi remains the iconic depiction of the lord of vampires.  It’s not even close to the book version–the Count is far less powerful here than in Stoker’s novel–but all the elements for all the versions to follow are there: Hypnotic sexuality, the eyes, alliances with wolves and wierdos, hot chicks, and Dr. Van Helsing.  For more Bela, don’t miss Martin Landau in Tim Burton’s amazing Ed Wood film.

1.  Nosferatu.  The first film about the bloodsucking king remains the most frightening.  F.W. Murnau’s 1922 silent film has the creepiest looking depiction of Vlad the Impaler, even if Count Dracula’s name is never used (because Bram Stoker’s estate would not give Murnau the rights).  Max Schreck plays Count Orlok, with a rat face and skinny, boney fingers, and a story that may have been different enough to avoid a lawsuit but definitely is, without a doubt, the first film version of Dracula.

Note: This list eschews the obvious (Justice League!), the pretty-far-along (Deadpool!) and the already done (even if you sucked, you were Superman, Brandon!) in favor of those books that need their adaptations developed NOW! As always, I favor capes over clothes and lean heavily towards Marvel and DC. Those are my personal biases. If you don’t like it, start your own blog.

15. The Falcon.

Medium: Movie.

Pitch: Like Batman, only with a poor black dude.

Dream lead: Derek Luke (Antoine Fisher)

Dream director: John Singleton

For the final 15^th slot, I struggled between Falcon, Green Arrow, and Moon Knight—all street vigilantes with solid box office potential. None of these would be huge films, but they’d do at least as well as Punisher—especially if they were handled better. I settled on Falcon because Green Arrow has cornball potential and Moon Knight is just too close to Batman. I still think the schizophrenic aspects of Moon Knight is ripe fodder for a brilliant, creative screenwriter, but The Falcon would also fill the too-small niche of African American superheroes, and films for an African American lead. I’d base the story around the great Falcon miniseries from the 1980s, which featured a Sentinel and Electro, and I’d definitely avoid a long, drawn out origin. It could even tie-in with Iron Man, if Marvel wanted to include Tony Stark as a co-designer of Falcon’s costume, or, more obviously, with Captain America. But with the economy being what it is, a movie with a ghetto-based antihero might be just what the doctor ordered.

14. ‘Mazing Man.

Medium: Art film.

Pitch: Iron Man for the indie crowd.

Dream lead: Johnny Galecki (Big Bang Theory)

Dream director: Marc Webb ((500) Days of Summer) or Zach Braff (Garden State)

‘Mazing Man was a charming little book that ran for one year way back in 1986. Published by D.C. and created by Bob Rozakis and Stephen DeStefano, it told the story of Sigfried Horatio Hunch III, a crazy midget from Queens who wore a yellow helmet, cape, boots and gloves, and red-polka-dotted boxers, and did good deeds like irritating guidos and teaching children to speak respectfully to their elders. ‘Maze’s best friend was a talking dog named Denton who was a comic book creator–something they never really bothered to explain. The book was so great that even Frank Miller agreed to do a cover. But it didn’t help. The book was cancelled quick. It would make a beautiful chick-flick superhero movie—maybe starring that Harry Potter kid. Note: If they make this film, better include the Letters to the Editor page. ‘Cause I had several printed, under my former nom-de-plume, “Nage.” Now go out-nerd me.

13. Power Pack.

Medium: Animated film or cartoon series.

Pitch: The Incredibles, with space action.

Dream studio: Pixar.

Perfect for kids, Power Pack launched in the 1980s to some success, and were recently rebooted in serialized mini-series that team the four kids up with various Marvel heroes. The simple tale is right out of Pixar: Dense scientist dad and mom kidnapped by aliens, white-horselike alien gives powers to their offspring, kids go into space and save the day.

12. Young Daredevil

Medium: Ongoing T.V. series on Fox.

Pitch: It could fill the void that was first occupied by Buffy, then Smallville.

Dream creator: JJ Abrams (Alias)

Okay, hear me out. The Daredevil movie flopped because it sucked, not because character can’t resonate with American audiences. A reboot would be great on its own. But what I’d really like to see is a series focusing on young DD. It could start with his accident, and show how he learns as a young man to adapt to having his powers in the “real world” of teenagers. If this idea sounds too lame for you, then I’d offer the Power Man and Iron Fist movie. But honestly, I don’t see that going anywhere, either.

11. Boris the Bear

Medium: TV (Adult Swim)

Pitch: Like Robot Chicken and Mr. Bill, but more violent.

Dream lead: Teddy Ruxpin

Dream director: The manager of a Chicago slaughterhouse.

Boris the Bear was a little black-and-white book about a teddy bear with a machine gun who basically went from panel to panel murdering lame rip offs of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Tell me Tim and Eric couldn’t do something with this concept. It’s like Monty Python’s knight-with-a-rubber-chicken, only way more bloody and violent. In fact, it could end with a giant foot crushing everything on screen.

10. Dreadstar

Medium: Sci Fi summer film.

Pitch: Star Wars meets Starship Troopers.

Dream lead: Russell Crowe

A man whose praises are too-often undersung, Jim Starlin created Dreadstar for Marvel’s first big imprint line, Epic Comics. Vanth Dreadstar was a blonde goateed swashbuckler who wore a blue hoodie and fought an evil empire that threatened to take over the universe. Although it trod ground familiarly plowed by George Lucas, it had enough “serious” elements to sustain it as a wholly original book, from cybernetic telepath Willow’s horrific origin to issue 10, in which Vanth loses his temper and beats an enemy to death with a thick chain, it was definitely aimed at adults, yet elements such as con-artist Skeevo and Willow’s monkey-like familiar brought a softer touch, and humor. An excellent early-1980s, genre-stretching book, it would make for a fun ride on the big screen.

9. Title: Hank Loves Janet

Medium: Prime time soap.

Pitch: Lois and Clark meets Jodie Foster’s The Accused.

Dream lead: Brangelina

In the spirit of Lois and Clark, it would tell the tale of a gigantic man and his tiny lady. Beyond exploring the physics of their relationship, the end of the first season would feature a Very Special Episode in which Hank beats the crap out of Jan, and she gets Captain America to turn around and beat the crap out of Hank. From which we learn that if you’re going to beat your wife, make sure she isn’t cuckholding you with a super soldier. And that’s one to grow on.

8. We3

Medium: DVD Animated Film.

Pitch: The Incredible Journey meets Terminator; unlimited stuffed animal/action figure potential.

Grant Morrison and Frank Quietly worked together on All Star Superman, which lots of people loved. To me, though, We3 reflects the peak of their collaborative process. The words back off enough to allow each panel to breathe, and, in turn, each panel pushes the reader forward to the next bit of verbal storytelling. We3 is about an adorable trio–puppy, kitten, and bunny–who have been bred to be killing machines. The paranoia mixed with cute sensitivity is a perfect fit for an animated film, even if it doesn’t bring with it the kind of audiences that would be drawn to a D.C. or Marvel superhero feature—or probably even to the nice little Hellboy animated film that debuted on Cartoon Network. Still, if a studio can manage to capture Quietly’s masterful artistic style, Morrison’s tale reads like a movie already. The heavy lifting is done. I’ve read that John Stevenson, director of Kung Fu Panda, is already attached to a We3 animated project. Sounds good to me.

7. Judge Dredd

Medium: R-rated action film.

Pitch: Think Death Wish, Blade Runner, Death Race, and Escape From New York.

Dream director: Rob Zombie

You can’t honestly tell me that you think Sly Stallone’s take on the character was the definitive word? Dredd’s book was futuristic ridiculousness, but it was also a roller-coaster ride to goretown. Dredd had a bitchin’ bike, knives, guns, clubs, and a hot slogan . . . “I am the law!” The violence was so over-the-top that parents complained. Therefore, Rob Zombie should direct.

6. Franklin Richards: Son of a Genius/Mini Marvels Power Hour

Medium: Kids cartoon on Disney.

Pitch: Calvin and Hobbes meets Nutty Professor, with short filler sketches featuring the Mini Marvels.

Dream lead: John Hodgman (The Daily Show) as the voice of H.E.R.B.I.E.

If the House of Mouse isn’t already looking into this, shame on them, especially now that the merger has been approved. The collected Franklin Richards one shots and Mini Marvels one-pagers are chock full of material that has the potential to be far more innovative, charming, and interesting than Marvel Super Hero Squad. And certainly more interesting than any supercartoons being done by Disney. Of course, the downside is that nobody seems to care about Saturday morning cartoons anymore . . .

5. Old Man Logan.

Medium: Major motion picture.

Pitch: Wolverine meets Terminator meets The Road.

Dream lead: Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)

Post-apocalyptic mayhem would be way more interesting, and would sell way more tickets, than Wolverine in Japan. Come on, guys!

4. Ex Machina

Medium: Indie film.

Pitch: Spin City meets The Greatest American Hero.

Dream lead: Rick Schroeder (NYPD Blue)

Jason Bateman would be perfectly cast as the star of Brian K. Vaughn’s superhero-turns-mayor story. I see the movie as taking a lighter approach to its topic than the book–perhaps even something like Spin City. Brian K. Vaughn’s brilliant poli-superhero book was never overly weighty on its own, but it does tend to take itself pretty seriously. Actually, it would also make a good TV miniseries.

3. Shazam!

Medium: Feature film.

Pitch: Big meets Hellboy.

Dream lead: Leo Howard (G.I. Joe) as Billy Batson; Sam Worthington (Terminator: Salvation) as Captain Marvel.

The notion of a child-man hero is one that hasn’t been fully explored in modern superfilm lore, Tobey’s Peter Parker notwithstanding, and there are so many narrative possibilities here. Not to mention an array of bizarre side characters and villains including talking tigers and worms, family members with powers, giant robots, and evil magicians. I can’t believe this hasn’t been done since I was a kid and there was that horrible Filmation show, Shazam!/Isis hour (which I never missed) where Michael Gray would caress a spherical Lite Brite to turn into the wooden Jackson Bostwick (or John Davey, depending on what season you watched) and go rescue Timmy from a well or something—there were never any villains or real conflicts. P.S.: Yeah, I know he’s called Captain Marvel, but that name hasn’t made much sense since Marvel Comics was created . . . And is nowhere near as cool.

2. Camelot 3000

Medium: Major motion picture.

Pitch: Knights in armor! Aliens! Lazers! Swords! Evil monkeybeasts!

Dream lead: Jeremy Renner (Hurt Locker)

I can’t believe nobody’s tried this one yet. Barr and Bolland’s 12-issue series was a blast—one of the best books of the early 1980s. It helped move DC away from relying solely on playing off its existing stable of characters and towards more experimental, high concept books that took place outside of the DCU. More importantly, the story has swords and lasers, aliens and outcasts, lots of sex, magic, betrayal, and triumph. Plus, it’s got a large group of heroes, any of whom could later get spin offs.

1. Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 8.

Medium: T.V.

Pitch: Joss Whedon has already done all the work, in comic book form.

Dream team: Joss and whoever the hell he wants to work with.

‘Nuff said.

Sick of folks talking about True Blood and Fringe and Mad Men and Monk?  Me, too.  Those shows are stupid.

Here’s what I liked this year.

A mention: The Shield: The Complete Series (DVD; FX).  Yeah, it’s a DVD release so it doesn’t rate higher, but it’s my last chance to pay tribute to my favorite drama ever.  Another DVD release worth a mention: The complete Dana Carvey Show.  It’s worth the money just to see early Stephen Colbert and Bill Clinton as a mama pig.

THE TOP TEN SHOWS OF 2009.

10.  Celebrity Apprentice (NBC). Two words: Joan Rivers.  I never found her interesting until this year.  At first, it was just the horror of her face (and her daughter’s), but then it was the obscene way she managed to bring the apocalypse to a dumb-ass, egomaniac (not Trump, the poker-chick) who never even saw it coming.

9.  Community (NBC). Is it the best sitcom ever?  Not even close.  Is it better than 30 Rock?  Yes.  At least this year, it is.  Just looking at Chevy Chase cracks me up, but this show, which got off to a weak start, hit its stride around the third episode and then managed to make the best Halloween episode of the year.

8.  Rescue Me (FX). The show is starting to wear, but it’s still great human drama.  It’s like an hour of David Mamet, every week.

7.  Big Love (HBO). Why do they wait so long between such short seasons on HBO?  This season saw the little polygamists growing up and facing issues, like unwanted pregnancy, that even “normal” people face.  They became more relatable, and generated more compassion, than ever before.  This was a show I never expected to like.

6.  Dexter (SHO). Dexter is kind of a silly show.  It’s completely unbelievable, and it makes the Miami police force out to be complete idiots.  Every ep brings with it a list of questions (“why wouldn’t the police just have checked that reporter chick’s phone records?”, e.g.).  But it’s so well acted, and so surprising, that it’s like a great, fun soap opera for Sopranos fans.  And that final scene (shiver) . . .

5.  It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (FX). The most underrated, foul sitcom since . . . Ever.  If you’re not watching this, you’re missing Danny Devito’s greatest work.

4.  Breaking Bad (AMC). In my wilder days, I used to fantasize about getting a fatal disease with my girlfriend, going crazy dealing for a year, and then being set for life.  What can I say?  I was sick young fuck.  But then they made a TV show about it!  And who knew Malcom-in-the-Middle’s dad was such an amazing actor.  This season ratcheted the chaos and paranoia to eleven.  Watching this is like watching my favorite TV show ever (The Shield)–each episode, you can’t imagine how he’ll be able to make it to the next one.

3.  Modern Family (CBS). Finally, an actual sitcom I can watch with my young kids, and I can laugh at the adult jokes while they laugh at the sophmoric and moronic, but also sweet and relatable, antics of three crazy, related families.

2.  Survivor (CBS). Yes, Survivor.  This season, Russell was able to find not one, not two, but three immunity idols without even getting a clue to their whereabouts, and used basic business-school management techniques to run the game right from the start.  He exposed how simple the game is while, at the same time, outwitting a rocket scientist (literally) and dozens of other people, and all the while never concealed his swagger.  Not since Season One has this show been so vital, tense, and hilarious.  The only thing that made this season terrible, was the result.  Natalie winning.  But as I screamed at the jury for judging Russell as a backstabber when they all did the same exact thing to their own kind, I realized . . . That’s what made this season so great.

1.  Battlestar Galactica (SyFy). The final ep came this year.  The two movies that followed only tarnished the legacy of this show as the Greatest Sci Fi T.V. Show Of All Time.  Through its run, it showed depth, political insight, and challenged philosophical and religious beliefs, all while producing dazzling special effects and action sequences.  Truly incredible television.

Story of the Grandson of Jesus-Cloud Cult

Me and Jesus the Pimp In a 79 Grenada Last Night

First of all, I want to thank all of you who have been digg-ing and Stumble-Uponing these posts.  Their popularity is the reason I keep doing them so regularly.

1.  Marvel/Lionsgate just released a box set Marvel Animation’s 6 DVD movies.  Thought I’d let you know whether it’s worth the price.  Inside, you’ll get:

Ultimate Avengers 1. A pretty faithful (but abbreviated and somewhat sanitized) rendition of the Ultimates comic book, focusing on the Avengers-vs-Hulk-vs-aliens story.  Excellent animation and voicework, well-paced story, perfect for all ages.  A+.

Ultimate Avengers 2. Not nearly as good as the first, with a story about Black Panther that’s kind of muddled.  Still, the big heroes are there, and the animation is all aces, as is the voice talent.  B+.

Iron Man. Yet another origin story.  Pretty faithful to the comic (and movie) versions.  Good, but Iron Man is just not one of my personal faves.  B-.

Doctor Strange. A surprisingly engaging origin story, given that the Master of Mystic Arts is usually handled badly.  The art neatly balances the realistic against the psychedelic.  B+.

Next Avengers. When I found out that they’d ditched “Young Avengers” for this futuristic tale, I got annoyed.  But then I saw it.  It’s definitely geared towards 9-12 year olds, but it’s solid fun, well-drawn, entertaining, and with a fresh, original storyline.  A-.

Hulk Vs. The “Thor” story was a snoozer.  The Wolverine was good, but not great.  C for Thor, B- for Wolverine, giving it a C+ average.

2.  All of the above is in advance of the coming Planet Hulk DVD.  Which I can’t wait to see.  I’ve heard it hews very close to the comic story, which is probably the greatest Hulk story ever and one of the best Marvel story arcs of the decade.

3.  Green Lantern! Just so Marvel doesn’t get all the news this week, Martin “Casino Royale” Campbell, director of the Green Lantern movie, has revealed that there are a tremendous number of visual effects being used on the film—over 1,300—and has implied that most of the movie will indeed take place in outer space.  And Lantern will make his patented big green fist.  Due in 2011.

4.  And now back to Marvel: I’ve told you guys before about how Marvel plans to make it’s “Siege” event a four-issue, self-contained series.  Well, that’s their plan for 2010 in general: They’ve got four 4-issue events planned: Siege, Fall of the Hulks, a Spider-Man/One More Day story called The Gauntlet and something called The Second Coming of The X-Men.  (Seems to me, they’ve already arrived at least four times in the past 20 years, but whatever.)   Marvel’s also going to be offering a free “Siege” preview book on December 30, which will have 8 pages of Bendis-scripted background and Official Handbook To The Marvel Universe style fact sheets on the major Siege players.  The overall editorial plan is for 2010 to be “Hero Age,” presumably after so many years of villains winning in the Marvel U again and again and again.  It’s about time, guys.  The MU has been dark and cynical for too long.  Having super-powers is, after all, cool-as-hell and should be fun.  These days, only Hercules, Spidey and Deadpool seem to understand that.

5.  A few quick shots:  They’ll start on Sin City 2 in 2010, based on an original script by Frank Miller (the first film was based on his Sin City graphic novels, but you knew that, right?).  They’re also working on another Alien—a prequel.  The good news: It’ll be done by Ridley Scott!  Last but not least, they’re also talking about filming a Men In Black 3 in 2010.  I loved #1.  Number 2, not so much.

6.  Thor’s daddy!  Anthony Hopkins has signed on as Odin for the Thor flick, which is being directed by Kenneth Branagh and will be released in 2011.

7.  And just because this is a big post getting bigger, I’m closing with the latest on the Avengers movie.  There will be tie-ins to Iron Man 2, and the lineup for Avengers is confirmed to include: Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America (the stars of Marvel’s Siege book).  Nick Fury and Black Widow will bring S.H.I.E.L.D. along, in all likelihood, but the script isn’t done yet.  What’s taking so long, guys?

Spiderman vs. Superman, on theme songs.